Life in progress

Author Archives: Linda G. Hill


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One-Liner Wednesday – Smart Dog, Scaredy Cat

As a tribute to Dan Antion, our outgoing-badge designer and guy who can’t write a one-liner to save his life, my own One-Liner Wednesday is going to go a bit long.

I was sitting on the couch tonight, minding my own business, when Winston started to whine. I looked up and saw him sitting in the middle of the floor looking down at nothing.

“What is it?” I asked him.

He gave me a pained look as if to say, If I could talk, I wouldn’t be sitting here crying.

So I went over to see what he was whining at. There was still nothing.

I asked him again, “What is it?”

And that’s when he pointed to something with his nose. I bent down to get a closer look, and low and behold there was an ant. It was a fair-sized one, and it was still very much alive.

I praised Winston for letting me know we had a bug in the house, and I went to get a tissue to scoop it up and get rid of it.

Why he didn’t just step on it or eat it I have no idea. But he did tell me about it.

Good dog, Winston!

Winston, my pointer-outer/smart dog/scaredy cat.

Cheers to Dan for his lovely badge! We’ll miss it! Thank you, Mr. Antion!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


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257. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, May 15th, 6:00pm
Vito and Brittnee

 

Vito: It’s not a chick flick, is it?

Brittnee: (curls hair around finger) It might be.

Vito: But you said before we left your place that I’d enjoy it.

Brittnee: (bats eyelashes) Why would I say anything else?

Vito: So you got me out here, on the bus, going to the movies, on a pretense.

Brittnee: What’s a pretense?

Vito: It’s why I’m on the bus. (turns to the window and mumbles) You’d better be putting out tonight.

Brittnee: What was that?

Vito: I said, we’re going back to your place tonight, right?

Brittnee: What for?

Vito: (smiles) A game of checkers.

Brittnee: (claps and bounces in her seat) Oh goodie!

 

Next stop: Wednesday, May 16th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Time for a New Badge!

Well, it’s that time of year again. Out with the old (but very well-loved!) and in with the new. Badge, that is.

And we have loved Dan Antion’s badge, haven’t we?

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

Yes, we certainly have. Thank you one last time, Dan, for your lovely handiwork. ❤ Tomorrow will be our last One-Liner Wednesday with Dan’s badge.

For sure I am sad,

but there’s excitement to be had.

Because it’s time for a contest!! Would you like your badge to be shared every week for the next year by bloggers far and wide? Great! All you have to do is design it by Sunday night!

And hey, perhaps Dan will enter the contest again this year! It’s open to anyone with a blog.

Here are the guidelines for entry into the contest:

1. The design can be anything you want it to be, but it must include “One-Liner Wednesday” and your name and/or the name of your website.

2. Any pictures (art or photo) must be your own.

3. When you’re happy with your badge and you’re ready to share it, write a blog post on your own website and link back HERE in the comments, so voters can check it out. The deadline to do this is Sunday, May 20th, 11:59pm EST. All links included here by that time will be added to a poll.

4. All entries will be shared here on my blog on Monday, May 21st, 2018, along with the poll that will close the next day, Tuesday the 22nd.

5. The winner’s badge will be available for anyone who participates in One-Liner Wednesday to post permanently on their website as a widget and/or to embed in their weekly One-Liner Wednesday post.

6. One entry per person. The contest is open to anyone with an active blog, WordPress or otherwise (see #3 for entry requirements).

7, Poll results will not be available while the poll is open. If there is a tie, I will choose the winner myself.*

8. If I’ve missed anything, or if you have any questions, please ask in the comment section below.

9. Have fun!

So that’s it. Get out your paintbrushes and coloured pencils, your cameras, or whatever you generally art with and art away!

*I retain the right to refuse any badge that is distasteful, regardless of the number of votes it receives.


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256. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 14th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Lily)

 

Edward sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: How’s the new job going?

Edward: Oh hi. Yeah, it’s going. I’m still not sure if it’s the right position for me.

Lily: How’s that?

Edward: Well, you know. The Master was teaching me all kinds of things that could help me survive. How to get into a victim’s head and all that.

Lily: And your new boss?

Edward: I’m learning the same sort of stuff. But with this Master, the end result is more for him than me.

Lily: So you’re bringing your victims home to him or what?

Edward: Nah, I still get what I go for. And the whole plundering thing is good …

Lily: Wait. Plundering?

Edward: Mr. Splindle tells me to get the money, and then I can go ahead and plunder to my heart’s content.

Lily: And what does plundering look like?

Edward: (shrugs) You know. Plundering. Like, steal their booties.

Lily: Huh.

Edward: By the way, if you ever decide to have a baby, I have plenty of booties.

Lily: (stares for a moment) How have you survived this long?

Edward: (shrugs) I get by.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 15th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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255. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, May 13th, 2:00pm
Colm and Harvey

 

Harvey: Feels lovely to be full after a Sunday brunch, doesn’t it?

Colm: It would feel even better if you hadn’t upset the party.

Harvey: You think it was upset?

Colm: Did you see the look on my mother’s face?

Harvey: Yes, but everyone else seemed all right with it. Your brother thought it was hilarious.

Colm: Still, promise me you won’t do it again.

Harvey: (shrugs) What’s a little nudity amongst family?

Colm stares.

Harvey: And it’s such a nice day for a swim.

Colm: Skinny dipping in the bird bath is a bit much though, don’t you think?

Harvey: If I’d gone in the pool, you’d have told me off for swimming on a full stomach.

Colm: You have a point.

Harvey: Anyway, it was for your mother that I did it. It is Mother’s Day, after all.

Colm: Oh right. Who knew she wouldn’t appreciate having a grown man take off all his clothes and jump in her bird bath.

Harvey: You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you.

Colm stares at Harvey for a moment, then looks away.

Harvey: (sighs) You used to think I was entertaining, once upon a time.

 

Next stop: Monday, May 14th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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Win a Unique Copy of ON FIRE

Tomorrow (Monday, May 14th) is the last day to enter the draw for my signed, misprinted copy of ON FIRE!

The winner will receive this beautiful anthology of toasty stories, released last year by Transmundane Press.

It would be awesome if you’d click this link and read the story of how I came about getting the book. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry … Okay, you might not cry. But it is a good story.

Or, you can just enter the draw here. The contest is open to mailing addresses in the United States and Canada only.

Best of luck!


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254. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, May 12th, 8:00pm
Hillary (and Sean)

 

Hillary sits at the window. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Hillary: What do you want?

Sean: It’s not what I want. It’s what I got to offer. (pulls a baggie part way out of his pocket)

Hillary: Yeah, what’s the catch? Do I gotta sleep with you?

Sean: You don’t got to. You can if you want.

Hillary: May as well. What do I got to lose?

Sean: Your self-respect?

Hillary stares at him.

Sean: (laughing) Yeah I know. I’m a joker.

Hillary: You know what? You’re right. Go find someone else to fuck up.

Sean: Now now, don’t get all grumpy on me. I heard lover boy dumped you. You ain’t got a lot of choices.

Hillary: (shakes head) Right. I’m a fuckin’ loser. Get away before I infect you with my loser self.

Sean: (getting up) It’s your loss.

 

Next stop: Sunday, May 13th, 2:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Smoothie

I have an earworm. The song “Smooth” by Santana and Rob Thomas came on the radio yesterday, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. My neighbours might have it in their heads too, since I had it turned up when I pulled into the driveway.  It’s so random how some songs get stuck in my head and others are just meh. Whatever.

So summer’s coming, and that means it’s going to be time once again to be tempted by smoothies. The ones at Tim Horton’s with yogurt in them are sinfully delicious. I’d probably consume far more of them if they didn’t give me brain freeze. You know that feeling, right? When the cold goes through your soft palate and takes a grip on your grey matter like it’s being squeezed by a terrifying version of a snowman? Like the one in that movie with Michael Keaton … Jack Frost. Yeah, that’s the one. Scary. Zombie snowmen who hide in smoothies and eat brains. Wow, stream of consciousness … If I start adding food colouring and yummy fruity flavours to my snowmen next year, get me the hell out of there, would you?

Yeah, I’ll stick to Tim’s coffee from now on. Thanks.

I’ve totally forgotten the prompt at this point. Ah well. Or should I say baa humbug?

This off-topic, almost-entirely sidelined post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Check it out, and gobble up some of the fun at the following link! https://lindaghill.com/2018/05/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-12-18/


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253. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, May 11th, 6:00pm
Shannon and Terry

 

Shannon: I wanna do something fun.

Terry: Like watch TV?

Shannon: No! Something like jumping off a cliff with a bungee cord wrapped around my ankle.

Terry: How about going to a movie?

Shannon: A movie? I’m talking about doing something exciting! Like taking a trip to a foreign country where I don’t know the language, and getting lost.

Terry: That’s fun?

Shannon: I think so.

Terry: We could go downtown and play in traffic …

Shannon: (glares at him) Don’t you have any sense of adventure?

Terry: Sure. I play video games.

 

Next stop: Saturday, May 12th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS May 12/18

It’s Friday! And that means it’s time for your Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt! Ahhh!!! I thought I’d have a little bit of extra fun with SoCS this week. Extra, because it’s always fun!! Here’s your prompt:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “on the farm.” Find a word that has a farm animal sound in it, i.e. sMOOth, and use it in your post. Bonus points if you include three or more. Have extra fun!

After you’ve written your Saturday post tomorrow, please link it here at this week’s prompt page and check to make sure it’s here in the comments so others can find it and see your awesome Stream of Consciousness post. Anyone can join in!

To make your post more visible, use our new SoCS badge! Just paste it in your Saturday post so people browsing the reader will immediately know your post is stream of consciousness and/or pin it as a widget to your site to show you’re a participant. Wear it with pride!!

 

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!