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Author Archives: Linda G. Hill
6. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Wednesday, September 6th 7:00pm
Myrtle and Edith
Myrtle: I told him! I said to him, ‘If you don’t go and get that seen to, it’s going to get infected!’ But did he listen to me? And now look at him. All doubled over in pain, not able to get out of bed.
Edith: Well, all you can do is tell them. Paddy’s able to look after himself. He can’t have you waiting on him all the time.
Myrtle: I’ll be darned if he thinks I’m waiting on him! After he told me I worry too much and that I’ve become a fusspot. A fusspot! Do you believe he actually said that to my face?
Edith: Nerve.
Myrtle: He does have a lot of nerve. And now it serves him right. (pauses to glance out the window) I’ve loved that man most of my life and that’s the thanks I get.
Edith: He doesn’t deserve all you do for him, Myrtle. But what can you do?
Myrtle: You know, Edie, there was a time when I’d do anything for that man. Forty-five years we’ve been married, and we’ve seen it all. Well you know. How long were you married to Harvey, God rest his soul?
Edith: It would have been fifty-one years this week.
Edith squeezes the top of her cane, kneading it.
Myrtle: Now, Edie, I don’t want you to be thinking you’re doing something wrong. I don’t feel that way and my Paddy’s still alive! (looks up) Oh, this is our stop. Come on, Edie, the Chippendales await. Let’s go get ourselves a stiff one, shall we?
Next stop: Thursday, September 7th, 5:00pm
One-Liner Wednesday – My Favourite Eyeglasses Ad
*”Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
The girl with the googly eyes.”
It took me a while to figure out why the model looked so creepy.
*Apologies to John Lennon and Paul McCartney.
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1. Make it one sentence.
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5. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
NOTE: Strong language, drug use.*
Tuesday, September 5th, 6:00pm
Sean (and Hillary)
Sean: (looks out window) Holy shit, man, did you see that? (glances over at Hillary in the seat across the aisle) Come and see this, seriously!
Hillary crosses the aisle and kneels beside Sean to look out the window.
Sean: That car just totally T-boned that other car.
Hillary: (whispers) Holy shit.
Sean: That was awesome.
Hillary: Huh.
Hillary backs toward the aisle.
Sean: Hey, I’m going to a party, wanna go?
Hillary: (sits beside Sean) Where is it?
Sean: In my fucking pants!
Hillary starts to get up.
Sean: No, wait, I’m kidding. It’s at a friend’s place. Hey aren’t you that girl in school? The one whose locker got burned for drugs last week?
Hillary: (sitting) They weren’t mine.
Sean: Riiiiight. I’m Sean. You’re Hillary, right?
Hillary: (nods) Whose house is the party at? Maybe I know him.
Sean: Her. It’s a her. She’s my girlfriend, but I think she’d like you.
Hillary stares at him.
Sean: She’s fucking great in bed.
Hillary continues to stare.
Sean: What? You fuckin’ in or not?
Hillary: Got any dope?
Next stop: Wednesday, September 6th, 7:00pm
4. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Note: Strong language, adult theme.
Monday, September 4th, 10:00pm
Drommen (and Charlene, Betsy, Madigan, Zoey, and Robert)
Drommen sits alone in the window seat. Charlene sits beside him.
Drommen: Hi.
Charlene: (smiles politely) Hello.
Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?
Charlene gets up and moves away. Several stops later, Betsy sits beside Drommen.
Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?
Betsy: (laughing) Pardon me?
Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?
Betsy: (mumbling) That’s what I thought you said.
Betsy gets up and moves away. Several stops later Madigan sits beside Drommen.
Drommen: (opens trenchcoat to reveal penis) Mind if I masturbate?
Madigan: Fuck.
Madigan gets up and moves away. Two stops later Zoey sits beside Drommen.
Drommen: (smiles) Good evening.
Zoey: (grimaces) Whatever.
Drommen: (opens trenchcoat to reveal penis) Would you mind if I masturbate?
Zoey gets up and puts her foot on the seat.
Zoey: Put it away or I’ll kick it.
Drommen covers himself. Several stops later Zoey gets off the bus. Robert sits beside Drommen.
Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?
Robert looks at Drommen’s crotch, then pulls back one side of his trenchcoat.
Robert: (smiles) Mind if I join you?
Drommen gets off the bus.
Next stop: Tuesday, September 5th, 6:00pm
3. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Sunday, September 3rd 1:00pm
Mark and Angie
Angie: Well, this is awkward. I thought you knew.
Mark shakes his head and looks down at his hands, wringing them in his lap.
Angie: I told Jim to tell you.
Mark: He didn’t. (looks up to the ceiling and sighs) I go on one blind date. The first blind date of my entire life and … (looks back down at his hands) Sorry. It’s not your fault.
Angie straightens her skirt and turns to the window.
Mark: Listen, do you want to go to the movie anyway?
Angie: What for? I didn’t think you were interested …
Mark: I dunno. We can still have fun anyway, can’t we?
Angie: (smiles and reaches for his hand) I think so.
Mark: (takes her hand and squeezes it) Has anyone ever told you you have pretty hands?
Angie: No, but thank you.
Mark hands Angie her white cane and they get off the bus.
Next stop: Monday, September 4th, 10:00pm
#SoCS – Giving birth to characters
Being a writer, I’ve read thousands of articles and opinions on how we typically come up with the characters who appear in our fiction. Is there a typical way? Probably not, but being as this is stream of consciousness and I stuck that damned rule in there to say we can’t edit, … that’s all she wrote.
Anyhoo, back to the topic of characters. One of the phrases I read a lot is “giving birth to characters.” I can’t say that I do that. “Giving birth,” to me, implies that they’re brand new shells of people who rely on me to fill them up with experiences, emotions, ways of speaking, and things they’re likely to do and ways they’re likely to react at any given moment. For me, characters appear as already-formed beings. I don’t give birth to them as much as I discover them.
One of the ways I know this–one of the main ways I know this–is when they show me their accents. In this alone I can tell where they come from, whether or not they have a lot of money, their age, their demeanor. I suppose it’s not necessarily as much “accent” as way of talking. Inflection, grammar, whether or not they use a lot of cliches. That sort of stuff.
It’s not as though I have them hanging around in my head all the time. If they did, I wouldn’t get a thought to myself. Nah, they come and go. You’ll see them in my “Second Seat” series. Come to think of it, it’s almost as though I have a bus inside my head …
Hmmm… Now there’s a thought.
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Stream of Consciousness Saturday is a weekly prompt that anyone can participate in. Click the following link to find out how, and see all the other posts in the comment section. 🙂 Give it a try! https://lindaghill.com/2017/09/01/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-217/
2. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Note: Strong language
Saturday, September 2nd, 3:00pm
Andrea and Lacey
Andrea: So, she told me she’s, like, so skinny and when I get there? It’s like, who is this fat chick?
Lacey: Don’t you just hate it when people do that? They tell you one thing online …
Andrea: … and then I know! You find out they’re, like, nothing like they said they were going to be.
Lacey: It’s, like, remember that guy …
Andrea: Oh shit, yeah! That guy who told Billy he was straight and then …
Lacey: No, that other guy …
Andrea: Oh, the one who Martina met in the park? The one who, like, showed up with all this suit of armor and shit?
Lacey: Yeah, that one. Didn’t he …
Andrea: (laughs) Oh yeah, that’s right. He had to go to the bathroom and … (looks across the aisle at a middle aged man) What the fuck are you looking at?
Andrea sits back in her seat and pulls at the gum in her mouth, stretching it.
Andrea: (quietly to Lacey) Do you believe people these days? Jeez!
Next stop: Sunday, September 3rd, 1:00pm
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1. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Friday, September 1st, 5:00pm
Joel and Holly
(Sitting on the bus, second seat on the right)
Joel: Look, I know you don’t want to get caught, but …
Holly: But what? If my husband finds out we’re together, he’ll kill me.
Joel: (holds her hand) But, I was going to say, I can’t live without you. I love you. And anyway, he’s going to find out about the baby sooner or later.
Holly: I can tell him it’s his.
Joel: Yeah right. And when it comes out Asian?
Holly: (whining) Ohh, what are we going to do?
She puts her head on his shoulder and he kisses her hair
Joel: We’ll figure it out, babe.
Next stop: Saturday September 2nd, 3:00pm
