Wednesday, December 27th, 8:00pm
Bella (and Edward) (and Lily)
Bella sits in the aisle seat. Edward takes the seat behind her.
Edward: I have a confession.
Bella: Oh God, not you again.
Edward: I’m serious, Bella. I have something I need to tell you.
Bella: Leave me alone.
Edward: I fooled around on you.
Bella ignores him.
Edward: With another vampire.
Bella ignores him.
Edward: Bella, I can see this is tearing you up inside and I apologize. I was weak.
Bella continues to ignore him.
Edward: I’m not surprised you’re not talking to me. I wouldn’t talk to me either. (gets up and sits back down abruptly) Oh no. That’s her. You have to pretend you don’t know me.
Bella: (laughs and turns around) Are you serious? Now you want me to ignore you so your little vampire girlfriend doesn’t know you’re in love with someone else?
Edward:(ducking down behind the seat, stage whispers) Don’t talk to me!
Bella: Oh come on, Edward. You know me!
Edward: Stop it!
Lily: (approaches) Edward get up!
Edward sits stiffly, staring forward.
Bella:(to Lily) He’s pretending he doesn’t know me … Oh God, not another one.
Lily:(showing a mouthful of fake fangs) Bitch!
Bella pulls the bell cord and hurries to the front of the bus to get off.
Cass sits at the window, second seat on the left. Mortimer takes the seat at the window, second seat on the right.
Cass: Oh God, not you again.
Mortimer: Who else would show up today?
Cass: Haven’t I been through enough without you pestering me again and again about how I shouldn’t have gone out with that guy?
Mortimer: The one who stabbed you seventeen times to death?
Cass: (rolls eyes) Don’t remind me.
Mortimer: You think you’ve got it bad. I died of a heart attack on this very… you’re mocking me.
Cass: (ceasing to mime his words) As if I hadn’t heard it all before. Do you have any idea what it’s like to get haunted by a senile ghost every Christmas?
Mortimer: And do you have any idea what it’s like for me to have to come back every Hallowe’en and relive your murder?
Cass:(snorts and looks at his reflection in the window. Speaks sarcastically) Oh look. There’s Scrooge.
Damien sits at the window with his head in his hands. Flora takes the seat beside him.
Flora: Hey! How’s it goin’?
Damien: I can’t believe I did it.
Flora: Did what?
Damien: You know I’ve been working shifts, right?
Flora: Yeah.
Damien: I worked ’til six this morning, went home and passed out, and I had this dream. I dreamt I hadn’t got any of my Christmas shopping done. So I jumped out of bed, and I literally ran to the mall.
Flora: And then you realized it was a dream?
Damien nods, his head still in his hands.
Flora: You got time off at Christmas?
Damien: Yeah, I don’t go back ’til the 29th.
Flora: Sounds like you could use a break. Want to go for a coffee?
Damien:(looks up at her) You buyin’? I don’t get paid ’til next week.
Flora: Sure. But how were you going to do any shopping if you don’t have enough for coffee?
Damien:(shakes his head and chuckles) Thank God it was just a dream. Would’a been a nightmare if I’d actually tried to buy something.
Morris sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.
Morris: Ugh.
Andrea: Excuse me?
Morris: I still don’t have my Christmas shopping done.
Andrea: And this concerns me how, exactly?
Morris: It doesn’t. I just wanted to …
Andrea: Why does everyone on this freakin’ bus want to tell me their problems? Like, I can’t get a minute’s peace on this freakin’, fucking bus! First I’ve got people flashing me, spitting at me, telling me their problems …
Morris: I’d watch it, if I were you. I’m Santa.
Andrea:(stares at him) You’re what now?
Morris: Santa Claus. And with a mouth like that, you’re not likely to find anything in your stocking, young lady.
Andrea:(frowns) Wait. Didn’t you just say you haven’t finished your Christmas shopping? Doesn’t Santa MAKE the toys?
Morris: No, the elves do that. I have to go out and buy all the supplies.
Andrea: You’re fucking crazy.
Morris: (shaking his head, mumbles) Whatever is the world coming to?
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