Life in progress

Category Archives: fiction


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13. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, adult themes.

Wednesday, September 13th, 7:00pm
Drommen (and Andrea)

Drommen sits at the window. Andrea sits down beside him.

Drommen: (smiles) Hello.

Andrea: Well hi! See this is, like, what the world needs. More friendly people.

Drommen: Mind if…

Andrea: It’s like I was telling my friend, Lacey? I said if there were more guys in this world who would, like, just be themselves and stop jerking around, don’t you think everyone could be, like, happier?

Drommen: Speaking of jerking around….

Andrea: I know, right? It’s like this guy I met online the other day. He’s, like, all nice and everything and we’re talking away and he seems like this really nice guy, you know? And the next thing I know he’s asking me if I want to get on the webcam, right?

Drommen: (slips his hand in his coat below the waist and nods) Ok.

Andrea: So I turn on my cam and he turns on his and he’s EXACTLY like he described himself! Which is great! Coz, you know how people are these days always misrepresenting themselves and shit, right?

Drommen smiles and nods, his hand moving slowly up and down.

Andrea: So we’re talking and he’s smiling and everything’s, like, going great and then this GUY, asks me if I want to see his THING! Can you believe it?

Drommen nods, leering.

Andrea: So I’m, like, dude! That is so cool! NOT! I mean, why would I want to see THAT? That’s fucking so disGUSTING! So then he’s, like, all apologetic and shit and I’m, like, dude, whatEV! (looks at Drommen for the first time) So what’s your deal?

Drommen: Oh, just enjoying the ride. Hey, would you mind if I get off?

Andrea: Of course not.

Andrea gets out of her seat, but Drommen doesn’t move.

Drommen: (stares up at her for a moment, then removes his hand from his coat) Never mind.

Next stop: Thursday, September 14th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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12. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, adult themes.

Tuesday, September 12th, 5:00pm
Sandi (and Candice)

 

Sandi sits at the window seat daydreaming about Jeff.

Candice: I didn’t think you were going to work today.

Sandi: (jumps hearing Candice’s voice, then pats the seat beside her) I wasn’t going to but Lana called in sick and The Grump is coming in today.

Candice: Fuck, no.

Sandi: Yeah.

Candice: I wish I could take him off your hands.

Sandi: Eeh, he’s not that bad. Sure, he’s loud and whiny, but he’s pretty easy to please.

Candice: I’ve got Mr. Avon today.

Sandi: Shit. So you’ll be up to your elbows in makeup before you even start. And isn’t he the one who wants you to wear nothing but rubber?

Candice: (nods and whispers) That rubber bra chafes something awful.

Sandi: You should tell him no.

Candice: Tried that once. He refused to pay.

Sandi: Ooh, was Madame very upset?

Candice: I couldn’t sit down for a week. So, how was your weekend with the preacher?

Sandi: (sighs and rests her head on the glass) Heaven.

Candice: The Grump is in for a treat then.

Sandi: (nods and smiles) I’m going to correct the fuck out of him.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, September 13th,  7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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11. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme.

Monday, September 11th, 8:00am
Donald and Robert

 

Donald: So, we don’t say anything about this to anyone at work, right?

Robert: But you just said I gave you the best …

Donald: (whispers) Quiet!!

Robert smiles self-satisfactorily.

Donald: (stage-whispers) You know I was drunk. And you know I’m not …

Robert: You’re not what?

Donald: (stage whispers) That way!

Robert: You mean gay?

Donald: SHHHH!! (rolls eyes to the ceiling) What the hell have I gotten myself into?

Robert: (grinning) My mouth for one thing.

Donald glares at him.

Robert: Okay, okay. I’ll be discreet. As long as you promise me one thing.

Donald: What’s that?

Robert: That you’ll let me buy you lunch today.

Donald: That’s it?

Robert: You want more?

Donald looks back up to the ceiling and Robert smiles to himself.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, September 12th, 5:00pm

 

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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10. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, September 10th, 9:00am
Madigan and Missy

 

Madigan: Sit still.

Missy: (speaks around thumb) I don’t wanna go to church.

Madigan: We have to. It’s a family obligation.

Missy: What’s a obagation?

Madigan: ObLIgation. It’s when Mommy should have shown up for your Auntie Barb’s Labour Day barbecue and didn’t, and now she feels bad. So we’re going to see her at church.

Missy: (looks out the window for a moment) Is that like when you feel bad for not shaving your legs when Uncle Ken comes for a sleepover?

Madigan: (laughs) Yeah, sort of. But Uncle Ken doesn’t sleep over. Uncle Ken is Auntie Barb’s husband.

Missy: But he goes in your room sometimes after I go to bed at night.

Madigan: (regards Missy for a moment) You know what? Why don’t we skip church and go to McDonald’s for breakfast instead.

Missy: Yay!

 

Next stop: Monday, September 11th, 8:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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9. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, September 9th, 9:00pm
Jeff and Sandi

 

Jeff: Are going to work tomorrow?

Sandi: I don’t know. You?

Jeff: I have to.

Sandi: Jet lag’s a bitch. It was fun though, right?

Jeff: (smiling) I had the best time ever.

They kiss.

Sandi: So, do we have to go back to pretending?

Jeff: We don’t have a choice.

Sandi: (nods) It sucks.

Jeff: Believe me, I’d love to yell, ‘I love this woman!’ from the rooftops.

Sandi squeezes his hand.

Sandi: I’m thinking about quitting.

Jeff: No! You can’t quit. If anyone should, it’s me.

Sandi: (laughing) Riiight. You can’t quit and you know it.

Jeff: Yeah. Would you do that for me? I mean, I’m not asking you to do it, but would you?

Sandi: (looks into his eyes) I’d do anything for you. You know that.

They kiss for a while.

Jeff: My stop’s coming up.

Sandi: Want me to get off with you?

Jeff: Better not. We both need a good night’s sleep.

Sandi: (sighs) Yeah, I guess you’re right. Call me in the morning.

Jeff: (kisses her) Sure thing. Good night, Miss Fantasia.

Sandi: Good night Reverend Fisher.

 

Next stop: Sunday, September 10th, 9:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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8. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, September 8th, 11:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary)

Drommen sits alone near the window. Hillary sits across the aisle.

Drommen: Hi

Hillary: Hi

Drommen: It’s late for a young lady to be out alone.

Hillary: I’m not alone. I’m meeting a friend.

Drommen: What’s your friend’s name?

Hillary: Sean. He should be at the next stop.

A few moments later, the bus stops and middle-aged woman gets on.

Drommen: I guess you’re alone.

Hillary: Guess so.

Drommen: Would you like to sit beside me?

Hillary: Sure. (gets up and crosses the aisle) I’m Jessica.

Drommen: I’m Jake. Nice to meet you.

Drommen holds out his hand and Hillary shakes it.

Hillary: Your hand is sticky.

Drommen: Thank you for noticing.

 

Next stop: Saturday, September 9th, 9:00pm

 

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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7. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Thursday, September 7th, 5:00pm
Joel and Pete

 

Joel: So you know that Holly chick I’ve been talking about?

Pete: Oh, the married one?

Joel: Yeah.

Pete: You been seeing her a while. Couple of months – that’s gotta be a record for you.

Joel: Yeah, well she’s knocked up.

Pete: No shit! Is it yours?

Joel: I wish I knew for sure. Either way, I’m gone.

Pete frowns.

Joel: What? Her husband’s going to kill me if he figures it’s me, which he will if it’s mine because they’re both white and well, fuck, she’s just not fucking worth it. She’s going to be raising it alone one way or the other so what would you do?

Pete: I might know a guy.

 

Next stop: Friday September 8th, 11:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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6. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, September 6th 7:00pm
Myrtle and Edith

 

Myrtle: I told him! I said to him, ‘If you don’t go and get that seen to, it’s going to get infected!’ But did he listen to me? And now look at him. All doubled over in pain, not able to get out of bed.

Edith: Well, all you can do is tell them. Paddy’s able to look after himself. He can’t have you waiting on him all the time.

Myrtle: I’ll be darned if he thinks I’m waiting on him! After he told me I worry too much and that I’ve become a fusspot. A fusspot! Do you believe he actually said that to my face?

Edith: Nerve.

Myrtle: He does have a lot of nerve. And now it serves him right. (pauses to glance out the window) I’ve loved that man most of my life and that’s the thanks I get.

Edith: He doesn’t deserve all you do for him, Myrtle. But what can you do?

Myrtle: You know, Edie, there was a time when I’d do anything for that man. Forty-five years we’ve been married, and we’ve seen it all. Well you know. How long were you married to Harvey, God rest his soul?

Edith: It would have been fifty-one years this week.

Edith squeezes the top of her cane, kneading it.

Myrtle: Now, Edie, I don’t want you to be thinking you’re doing something wrong. I don’t feel that way and my Paddy’s still alive! (looks up) Oh, this is our stop. Come on, Edie, the Chippendales await. Let’s go get ourselves a stiff one, shall we?

 

Next stop: Thursday, September 7th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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5. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

NOTE: Strong language, drug use.*

Tuesday, September 5th, 6:00pm
Sean (and Hillary)

 

Sean: (looks out window) Holy shit, man, did you see that? (glances over at Hillary in the seat across the aisle) Come and see this, seriously!

Hillary crosses the aisle and kneels beside Sean to look out the window.

Sean: That car just totally T-boned that other car.

Hillary: (whispers) Holy shit.

Sean: That was awesome.

Hillary: Huh.

Hillary backs toward the aisle.

Sean: Hey, I’m going to a party, wanna go?

Hillary: (sits beside Sean) Where is it?

Sean: In my fucking pants!

Hillary starts to get up.

Sean: No, wait, I’m kidding. It’s at a friend’s place. Hey aren’t you that girl in school? The one whose locker got burned for drugs last week?

Hillary: (sitting) They weren’t mine.

Sean: Riiiiight. I’m Sean. You’re Hillary, right?

Hillary: (nods) Whose house is the party at? Maybe I know him.

Sean: Her. It’s a her. She’s my girlfriend, but I think she’d like you.

Hillary stares at him.

Sean: She’s fucking great in bed.

Hillary continues to stare.

Sean: What? You fuckin’ in or not?

Hillary: Got any dope?

 

Next stop: Wednesday, September 6th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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4. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, adult theme.

Monday, September 4th, 10:00pm
Drommen (and Charlene, Betsy, Madigan, Zoey, and Robert)

 

Drommen sits alone in the window seat. Charlene sits beside him.

Drommen: Hi.

Charlene: (smiles politely) Hello.

Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?

Charlene gets up and moves away. Several stops later, Betsy sits beside Drommen.

Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?

Betsy: (laughing) Pardon me?

Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?

Betsy: (mumbling) That’s what I thought you said.

Betsy gets up and moves away. Several stops later Madigan sits beside Drommen.

Drommen: (opens trenchcoat to reveal penis) Mind if I masturbate?

Madigan: Fuck.

Madigan gets up and moves away. Two stops later Zoey sits beside Drommen.

Drommen: (smiles) Good evening.

Zoey: (grimaces) Whatever.

Drommen: (opens trenchcoat to reveal penis) Would you mind if I masturbate?

Zoey gets up and puts her foot on the seat.

Zoey: Put it away or I’ll kick it.

Drommen covers himself. Several stops later Zoey gets off the bus. Robert sits beside Drommen.

Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?

Robert looks at Drommen’s crotch, then pulls back one side of his trenchcoat.

Robert: (smiles) Mind if I join you?

Drommen gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, September 5th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.