Thursday, July 12th, 5:00pm
Miriam, and Ursula
Miriam: I’ve GOT to tell you about this place I stayed on the weekend.
Ursula: Not good?
Miriam: Oh the place wasn’t bad. It was the shower. The water pressure! Way too much. You want the good news first or the bad news?
Ursula: Give me the bad news.
Miriam: (takes off her hat) It uprooted half the hair on my head.
Ursula: No! What’s the good news?
Miriam: It ironed out my wrinkles for about two hours.
Next stop: Friday, July 13th, 7:00pm
Wednesday, July 11th, 5:00pm
Devin and Dale
Devin: So I was late for work this morning.
Dale: Oh yeah? How come?
Devin: I forgot to turn the dishwasher off before I left the apartment, so I had to turn around and go back.
Dale: Doesn’t your dishwasher turn itself off?
Devin: No. If he runs out of dishes at our place he goes to the neighbour’s.
Dale: Errr …
Devin: My husband’s a little compulsive that way.
Dale: So how do you turn him off?
Devin: Hand him the vacuum. He’ll still be doing it when I get home tonight.
Dale: You must have a very clean apartment.
Devin: (sighs) Yeah. Especially if I don’t watch him on garbage day.
Next stop: Thursday, July 12th, 5:00pm
Sunday, July 8th, 11:00am
Drommen and Phillipa
Phillipa: Why are we on the bus again?
Drommen: We’re going for a coffee.
Phillipa: I told you, I have coffee at home.
Drommen: Oh right.
Phillipa: You’re obsessing over that girl again, aren’t you?
Drommen: I’m not obsessing. I’m worried about her. I want to keep an eye on her.
Phillipa: (takes his hand) You can’t save the world, Jake.
Drommen: Maybe I can save my little part of it.
Phillipa: And then what? You go back to corrupting them with your little fetish?
Drommen shrugs.
Phillipa: Bring your little fetish home to me. She’s not on the bus today.
Drommen: I’ll come back to your place later.
Phillipa: I won’t be there later.
Drommen: Tomorrow then? Next weekend?
Phillipa: Now. Or you take your chances.
Drommen: I’ll take my chances.
Phillipa gets off the bus.
Next stop: Monday, July 9th, 5:00pm
Saturday, July 7th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Edward)
Bella: I know he’s gonna be there tonight. I just know it.
Edward: (pops up in the seat behind them, making them jump) You mean me? I’m here.
Bella: No, I don’t mean you. And if you do that again, I swear…
Edward: Don’t swear, Bella. It doesn’t become you.
Alice: If you have to know, she means a guy that…
Bella: (interrupts) I’m in love with. And he’s in love with me. So go blow it out your ear.
Edward: Blow what out my ear? (shakes head) I’m here to give you one last chance, Bella. Be with me. You know you want to.
Bella: As much as I’m tempted I think I’ll pass. What, you got other options?
Edward: I’m considering leaving town.
Bella: No!
Edward: You’re sad. I’m sorry. All you have to do is agree to marry me, and I’ll take you with me.
Bella: I’ll survive.
Alice: Why the change of plans? As if I really want to know.
Edward: There’s a woman stalking me. I believe she means to try to kill me.
Alice: (under her breath) Well there’s an idea.
Edward: She approached me last night and pretended to be you, my Bella. You but changed to be like me. A vampire. I could smell her a mile off.
Bella: You know, you’re kind of ripe yourself.
Edward: So what do you say, Bella? Will you come with me? It’s really not safe here.
Bella: I’ll be fine. Go without me.
Edward: Parting is such sweet sorrow. Good-bye then my love.
Edward stands and waits for the next bus stop.
Alice: Good riddance.
Edward stares at Bella.
Bella: You’re not going to hypnotize me into going with you.
Alice: (to Edward) Seriously?
Edward: Fine then! (gets off the bus)
Bella: (reaches out toward the door) Oh no! He’s really gone!
Bella and Alice look at each other and crack up laughing.
Next stop: Sunday, July 8th, 11:00am
Thursday, July 5th, 5:00pm
Genie and Ross
Genie: I found a peanut.
Ross: Oh yeah? When was this?
Genie: Last night. It was rotten.
Ross: Huh.
Genie: But I ate it anyway.
Ross: Why’d you do that?
Genie: (shrugs) So I got a stomach ache. I should probably see a doctor.
Ross: Well, I doubt it’ll kill you.
Genie: Right? What are the chances?
Next stop: Friday, July 6th, 7:00pm
Sunday, July 1st, 1:00pm
MoJo (and JoJo)
MoJo sits at the window. JoJo boards the bus.
JoJo: (yelling down the aisle) DUDE! Happy Canada Day!
MoJo: (stands) DUDE! What in the heck are you wearing, dude?
JoJo: (approaches MoJo) It’s a suit made of maple leaves, man! I saved ’em from last fall!
MoJo: Come and sit by me, dude!
JoJo: (sits and leaves begin to crumble) This is gonna be the best Canada Day ever!
MoJo: Dude! You’re naked!
JoJo: (looks down at himself) No way! Lucky I have a flag! (smiling, holds up small flag and waves it)
MoJo: That’s no way to fly our flag, man.
JoJo: Darn it, dude, you’re right! What am I gonna do?
MoJo: Here. (takes off t-shirt to reveal body paint in flag design) Tie this around your waist.
JoJo: But, now you’re more patriotic than I am, man.
MoJo: Wait! (turns to face him and presses his chest against JoJo’s) There! Now we’re wearin’ each other’s maple leaves!
JoJo: Cool!
MoJo: (stands) Happy Canada Day, everybody!
Next stop: Monday, July 2nd, 5:00pm
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Saturday, June 30th, 5:00pm
Andrea and Lacey
Andrea sighs.
Lacey: What’s wrong?
Andrea: I keep hoping to see Eddie on the bus. But he’s, like, never on anymore.
Lacey: I thought you were over him.
Andrea: I’ll never be over him, Lace. He’s my soulmate!
Lacey: Pfft.
Andrea: I didn’t expect you to understand. I just wish I knew where he was.
Lacey: Has it occurred to you that if he’s a vampire, he won’t come out when it’s daylight?
Andrea stares at her.
Lacey: (after a moment) Well?
Andrea: You think he really is a vampire?
Lacey: NO!
Andrea: I guess you’re right if he’s, like, trying to keep up appearances. (smiles) Thanks, Lace.
Lacey sighs.
Next stop: Sunday, July 1st, 1:00pm
Note: Strong language.
Friday, June 29th 7:00pm
Hillary (and Drommen) (and Zoey)
Hillary is asleep in the window seat with drool running down her chin. Drommen takes the seat beside her.
Drommen: (shaking her) Hey, Jessica. Wake up.
Hillary stirs but doesn’t wake up.
Drommen: Jessica! It’s time to go home.
Hillary: (slapping at him weakly) Lemme alone.
Drommen: Come on. Don’t make me carry you off the bus.
Hillary: (kicks at him and mumbles louder) Lemme alone!
Drommen is shaking her when Zoey boards the bus.
Zoey: Leave her alone, asshole.
Drommen: She’s drunk. I just want to get her home.
Zoey: Get the fuck away from her!
Drommen: What the fuck’s your problem?
Zoey: You are! You became my problem the day you asked me to look at your dick. Now go away before I call the cops.
Drommen: I know where she lives. We’re friends.
Zoey: (scoffs) Yeah, I’m sure you are.
Drommen: Are you going to take care of her?
Zoey: Yes!
Drommen: Fine, then.
Drommen changes seats.
Zoey: (sits. To Hillary) Are you okay, honey?
Hillary: (mumbles) He’s not all that bad.
Next stop: Saturday, June 30th, 5:00pm
Thursday, June 28th, 3:00pm
Tiffany and Vera
Tiffany: My God, I’m like, so glad school’s over, you know?
Vera: I know! Did you hear about Professor Plum? He was all over Scarlet.
Tiffany: No way!
Vera: (nods exaggeratedly and pops gum) Uh huh. I heard they were in the cafeteria? And she was, like, tied to one of the tables with a rope and he was covering her in mustard.
Tiffany: Ew!! Isn’t he, like, married to Mrs. Peacock?
Vera: Pfft. Yeah, but he’s been screwing around with Mrs. White for years. And you know what else I heard?
Tiffany: What?
Vera: Lissy told me Casper caught him in kitchen … with Mr. Green!
Tiffany: No way! He’s also gay? I had no clue!
Next stop: Friday, June 29th, 7:00pm
Note: Strong language.
Saturday, June 23rd, 7:00pm
Hillary (and Drommen)
Hillary sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside her.
Hillary: (slurring drunkenly) Fuck do you want?
Drommen: Have you been with that Sean guy?
Hillary: What’s it to you? What do you care?
Drommen: I do. You’re not taking care of yourself. And Sean certainly isn’t taking care of you.
Hillary: He’s takin’ better care of me than you have. Dick.
Drommen: I’m taking you home.
Hillary: I’m not going home. Don’t you have a date to go to or somethin’?
Drommen: I do. But you’re more important.
Hillary: Fuck off.
Drommen stares at her for a moment.
Hillary: Sean’ll look after me. An’ if you try to take me home, I’ll scream.
Drommen: Have it your way.
Drommen changes seats.
Next stop: Sunday, June 24th, 11:00am
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