Monday, April 23rd, 5:00pm
Brandon and Jordan
Jordan: How’s the new girl working out?
Brandon: Pretty good. She caught on quick.
Jordan: Hey man, it’s great you got the manager’s job.
Brandon: Thanks. You should come by sometime. Got a lot of good looking women working there.
Jordan: Any of them single?
Brandon: Only the ones I’m not dating.
Jordan: You can do that? Date people you work with?
Brandon: Long as I don’t get caught, man.
Next stop: Tuesday, April 24th, 6:00pm
Sunday, April 22nd, 1:00pm
Mona and Sparky
Mona: (while texting) I’m so ugly.
Sparky: Who told you that?
Mona: I did. (lifts cell phone) And Martina agrees with me.
Sparky: Martina can go suck eggs.
Mona: You think so?
Sparky: Yeah. You’re beautiful. What does she know?
Mona: I’ll tell her. (starts texting)
Sparky: (after a while) What did she say?
Mona: (reading) “I’m not a mongoose.” What does that even mean?
Sparky: I don’t …
Mona: Wait! There’s another text. (reading) “And Sparky’s ugly too.”
Sparky: See? I told you she don’t know nothing.
Next stop: Monday, April 23rd, 5:00pm
Saturday, April 21st, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily
Edward: It was awful!
Lily: There there. Who can I get rid of for you? Is it that new boss of yours?
Edward: No! I can’t believe he meant for it to happen. All those … women! And they were dancing with poles … Some of them were upside down!
Lily: So you want me to go there and get rid of the women for you?
Edward: (touches her hand) No. It’s too dangerous. Women are dangerous. Real human women that is. Not you.
Lily: Come home with me then, Edward darling. I’ll look after you.
Edward: You will?
Lily: For you? I’ll even open my best red.
Edward: You will?
Lily: Of course. I’ve had him chained up in my basement for months.
Next stop: Sunday, April 22nd, 1:00pm
Note: Strong language
Friday, April 20th, 3:00pm
Dudes
Dude: Oh dude, I am sooo fucked up.
Dude: Where are we going again?
Dude: We’re going … that way.
Both giggle
Dude: (points) Dude, that kid over there is going to throw up.
Dude: No way.
Child vomits.
Dude: (loudly) Bus driver! Clean up in aisle 4!
Both giggle hysterically
Dude: No dude, aisle 420!
Dude: Hey, this is our stop.
Both get up
Dude: (to everyone on the bus) Happy 4/20 everyone!
Dude: Yeah, Happy George Takei’s birthday!
Dudes get off the bus.
Next stop: … dude … no idea.
Thursday, April 19th, 5:00pm
Wally (and Taylor)
Wally sits at the window. Taylor takes the seat across the aisle.
Taylor: (breathing heavily) Whew!
Wally: You look like you been running.
Taylor: I did. I thought I was going to miss the bus.
Wally: Just get off work at the plant?
Taylor nods, still trying to catch his breath.
Wally: I use to work there. Got fired.
Taylor: Oh yeah?
Wally: Yep, got accused of stealing by a co-worker when it was literally him who was stealing.
Taylor: Got thrown under the bus, eh?
Wally: Literally.
Taylor: That’s gotta hurt.
Next stop: Friday, April 20th, 3:00pm
Note: Strong language
Wednesday, April 18th, 8:00pm
Mr. Splindle and Edward
Mr. Splindle: So what were you doing before, Edward?
Edward: I worked for a man … er … I was an apprentice of sorts.
Mr. Splindle: That idea died, did it?
Edward: It dyed the wrong colour completely.
Mr. Splindle: And what do you like to do for fun?
Edward: Do you mean what are my hobbies?
Mr. Splindle: No! No, not at all. This isn’t an interview, son! It’s what you might call a recruitment! No, I just want to know what sorts of things might be distracting you from our little venture.
Edward: Well, I like to look at girls.
Mr. Splindle: So you like pussy, eh son? A man after my own heart.
Edward: (frowning) That’s not what I said.
Mr. Splindle: What are you talking about then, lad?
Edward: I like to look at girls, not cats.
Mr. Splindle regards him for a moment.
Edward: And I don’t like dogs.
Mr. Splindle: (pats him on the knee and smiles) Son, the cats we’re going to see tonight’ll have you howling like a dog at the moon.
Next stop: Thursday, April 19th, 5:00pm
Tuesday, April 17th, 5:00pm
Fred and Ginger
Ginger: So, you wanna go dancin’?
Fred: I won’t dance.
Ginger: What do you wanna do then?
Fred: Don’t ask me!
Next stop: Wednesday, April 18th, 8:00pm
Monday, April 16th, 5:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Phil)
Farmer Brown sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside him.
Phil: (sighs) Oh what a relief.
Farmer Brown: What would that be, son?
Phil: (smiles) I get my car back tomorrow.
Farmer Brown: (smiles back) Nothing quite like having your own vehicle, is there?
Phil: No sir, there’s not. It’s finally out of the shop after my accident, and I’m on the mend too.
Farmer Brown: And the open road is ahead of you.
Phil: Right you are. You know, it’s refreshing to find someone on the bus who really “gets it.” Someone sane for a change.
Farmer Brown: (nods, then takes phone out of his pocket) Excuse me, I have to get this.
Phil: You go ahead.
Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Hello? No. You’re kidding. Again? (frowns) Okay, put her on.
Farmer Brown glances at Phil and rolls his eyes.
Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Moo. Moo moo moo moo. Moomoomoo. Okay. (waits) Yeah, I told her. She promised not to do it again. Okay, see you soon. (hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket. To Phil:) Damned sheep got out of the barn again.
Next stop: Tuesday, April 17th, 5:00pm
Sunday, April 15th, 2:00pm
Yvonne and Sarah
Yvonne: I think Quinn’s fooling around on me.
Sarah: No way!
Yvonne: (nods) He came home yesterday with enough paint to do the whole house.
Sarah: So?
Yvonne: Three-quarters of the rooms are wallpapered.
Sarah: Hmm. I’d keep an eye on him if I were you.
Next stop: Monday, April 16th, 5:00pm
Note: Strong language
Saturday, April 14th, 3:00pm
Quinn and Serge
Serge: Glad you came last night?
Quinn: (sighs) Yeah I guess.
Serge: Listen, bro. You got nothing to feel guilty about. It was just a little window shopping.
Quinn: Yvonne wouldn’t agree.
Serge: (shrugs) So don’t tell her.
Quinn stands.
Serge: Hey, where are you going? This isn’t your stop.
Quinn: No, but I’ve gotta get off. The paint store’s right there.
Serge: (laughs) Pussy.
Next stop: Sunday, April 15th, 2:00pm
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