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36. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, drugs

Friday, October 6th, 11:00pm
Sean and Hillary

 

Sean: So. where’s this friend of yours?

Hillary: I guess he’s not on the bus tonight. He’s usually here.

Sean: (rubs his palms together) Guess it’s just you and me then.

Hillary: Where’s your girlfriend tonight.

Sean: I dumped her ass.

Hillary: (raises eyebrows) Really? You guys seemed so tight the night we …

Sean: The night we all got into bed together? Yeah. She was getting tired of it. Started bitching at me that all I wanted to do was bring other chicks home. Fuck that shit.

Hillary stares into space.

Sean: Sooo what about it? You and me?

Hillary: You and me what?

Sean: I dunno. What do you say you and me go and find somewhere to get cozy?

Hillary: Just you and me?

Sean: (looks around) I don’t see anybody else.

Hillary: (stares down at her hands) Maybe we’d better wait for my friend … Barry or Jake or whatever his name is.

Sean: What the fuck? Don’t you want to be alone with me?

Hillary frowns at him, thinking.

Sean: I’ve got some wicked shit. Wanna get fucked up at least?

Hillary: Where is it?

Sean pats his pocket.

Hillary: Do me a favour?

Sean: What?

Hillary: Call me Jessica?

Sean: (smiling) Let’s go get fucked up, Jessica.

 

Next stop: Saturday, October 7th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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35. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, October 5th, 4:00pm
Hester and Alfred

 

Hester: If you’d just let me help you, you wouldn’t have this problem!

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Give me your cane.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: (takes his cane and shows it to him) Now you see this?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: This is wood.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Do you know what wood is for in a man?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: It’s to keep your good wife satisfied.

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Now will you let me help you?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: Do you have to agree with everything I say?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: What else did the urologist say?

Alfred: Yes dear.

Hester: (really pays attention to him for the first time) Did the nurse give you cotton balls for your ears? (pulls the cotton from his ears) What did the urologist say?

Alfred: Get a divorce.

 

Next stop: Friday, October 6th, 11:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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34. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, October 4th, 3:00pm
Madigan and Ken

 

Madigan: Barb knows.

Ken: What do you mean?

Madigan: She knows there’s something going on. She doesn’t know it’s me though.

Ken stares down at his hands in his lap.

Madigan: What are you going to do about it?

Ken: Maybe we should cool it for a while.

Madigan: Probably a good idea.

Ken: But I don’t want to.

Madigan looks out the window

Ken: I’m thinking about leaving her.

Madigan: Don’t do it for me.

Ken: Why not? I want to be with you.

Madigan: (staring at him) It would destroy Barb and you know it.

Ken: Don’t you want to be with me?

Madigan: Not at the expense of my sister. This was never supposed to go beyond one time. I think we should just end it and cut our losses.

Ken: After today then?

Madigan: (looking out the window) This will be our last time.

 

Next stop: Thursday, October 5th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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33. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Tuesday, October 3rd, 5:00pm
Drommen (and The Darkness)

 

Drommen sits at the window. The Darkness takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hi.

The Darkness regards him and turns away.

Drommen: Nice afternoon, isn’t it?

The Darkness looks at him, eyebrows lifted, but says nothing.

Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?

The Darkness: (shouting) I AM THE DARKNESS!! I AM THE DARKNESS!!!

Drommen slouches in his seat as The Darkness is escorted off the bus.

 

 

Next stop: Wednesday, October 4th, 3:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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32. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, October 2nd, 6:00pm
Jeff and Sandi (and everyone on the bus)

 

Jeff: So I’ve been thinking.

Sandi: About what?

Jeff: About where our relationship is going.

Sandi: (looks down at their hands clasped together) Do you think that’s a good idea?

Jeff: Are you happy with it the way it is? All this sneaking around?

Sandi: What is the alternative? Unless I quit my job at the dungeon, there’s no way you can go public with the fact that we’re dating.

Jeff: But we’re not doing anything wrong …

Sandi: Your superiors aren’t going to understand that. They’ll see only what’s on the surface.

Jeff: So what if … (gets up and kneels in the aisle beside her, a diamond ring in his hand) What if I asked you to marry me?

Sandi lifts her right hand to her mouth, her left is poised in front of Jeff.

Jeff: Life is much to short to let it pass us by worrying about what other people think. If you’ll say yes, it won’t matter what you do. Sandi, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?

Sandi: YES!

Everyone on the bus applauds as they kiss.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, October 3rd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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31. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, October 1st, 9:00am
Michael (and Joanna)

 

Michael sits by the window, reading the newspaper. Joanna sits beside him.

Joanna: Hi.

Michael: (rolls eyes but doesn’t look up) Hi.

Joanna: What’s that you’re reading?

Michael: The paper.

Joanna: What’s going on?

Michael: (sighs) Apparently some guy went into all the discos in town last night and broke the mirror balls.

Joanna: I didn’t know there were any discos in town.

Michael: Neither did I. (he turns to her) Hey, do you read the paper?

Joanna: Sometimes, why?

Michael: (smiles) I’ve been waiting for someone to come along who’d just sit and, you know, read.

Joanna: (grins) I can read.

Michael hands her a section of his paper.

Joanna commences to read out loud.

Michael closes his section of the paper and stares out the window.

 

Next stop: Monday, October 2nd, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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30. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, September 30th, 8:00pm
Edward and Bella

 

Edward: I’m so glad you agreed to come out with me.

Bella: (shrugs) You sounded so normal enough on the phone. (mumbles) And I had nothing better to do.

Edward: What?

Bella: Nothing. So where are we going again?

Edward: A special place downtown.

Bella: What’s so special about it?

Edward: (smiles) You’ll see.

Bella: (stares at him) You’re going to take those fake fangs out though, right?

Edward: What fake fangs?

Bella: (sighs) Whatever.

Bella opens her purse and takes a compact out.

Edward: (snatches it out of her hand) This doesn’t have a mirror in it, does it?

Bella: (glares at him) Yeah, why?

Edward: Don’t open it. (he sniffs) Is that garlic I smell on your breath?

Bella: (gasps) How dare you?

Edward: How dare YOU!?

Bella: (stands and grabs her compact) That’s it, I’m leaving.

Edward: Wait! You can’t!

Bella: And for God’s sake, wipe the sparkle off your face. You look like you belong in a disco.

Bella walks down the aisle toward the door. Edward gets up to follow her.

Edward: That’s where I was taking you! A disco!

Bella: (turns) Discos have mirror balls, freak!

Edward stands in the aisle, confused, as Bella gets off the bus.

 

Next stop: Sunday, October 1st, 9:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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29. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, September 29th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary)

 

Drommen sits alone by the window. Hillary approaches.

Hillary: Hi! Mind if I sit?

Drommen: (smiling) No, not at all. Jessica, right?

Hillary: Right. And your name was …

Drommen: Barry.

Hillary: Riiiight, now I remember … So, what happened to your face?

Drommen: Oh, just a little accident.

Hillary: A little accident?

Drommen: Yeah. I ran into a baseball bat.

Hillary: Wow. You must have some pretty fierce enemies.

Drommen: (shakes his head) Nah. A couple of guys on the bus decided they didn’t like me.

Hillary: I’m surprised you came back.

Drommen: (laughs) I’m never afraid to come on the bus.

 

Next stop: Saturday, September 30th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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28. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language, adult theme.

Thursday, September 28th, 8:00am
Robert and Donald

 

Robert: So let me get this straight. You went to a psychiatrist to get a cure for gay…

Donald: (looks around to make sure no one is within earshot) Not a cure. I just wanted to know if I am.

Robert: Right. And then from the psychiatrist’s office you went home and fucked your wife.

Donald: But you forgot about the woman I met on the bus before the appointment.

Robert: The … catalyst … you called her?

Donald: Yes. She told me I might be (whispers) bisexual.

Robert: Uh huh. So to prove that, you came over to my place after you did your wife and propositioned me?

Donald: I went to the bar in between.

Robert: And got drunk.

Donald: Right.

Robert: So you’re an inhibited gay.

Donald: (raises eyebrows) I’m a what?

Robert: Well, if you have to let your inhibitions go in order to get on your knees and …

Donald: SHHHH!!!!!

Robert smiles.

Donald: We’re still not talking about this.

Robert: We weren’t doing much talking that night either.

Donald: I mean at work.

Robert: (rubs hands together) Yep!

Donald: (frowns) What do you mean “yep”?

Robert: (smiles) I think it’s time for a raise, boss.

 

 

Next stop: Friday, September 29th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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27. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, September 27th, 10:00am
Deborah, Tilden and Prescott

 

Tilden: Mommy?

Deborah: Yes. sweetie?

Tilden: Why don’t you just feed Prescott?

Deborah: I’ll wait ’til we get home.

Tilden: But he’s hungry now.

Deborah: I can’t feed him now.

Tilden: Why not?

Deborah: Because we’re in a public place.

Tilden: So?

Deborah: So, people don’t want to see me feed your brother.

Tilden: But you said it’s natural.

Deborah: That’s right.

Tilden: So what’s wrong with it?

Deborah: I don’t know, sweetie.

Five minutes goes by with Prescott crying.

Tilden: Mommy?

Deborah: Yes, Tilden?

Tilden: Prescott is really hungry, and he’s getting on my nerve.

Deborah: We’re almost home.

Tilden: Just whip it out and feed him.

Deborah: TILDEN!

Tilden: That’s what Daddy says!

Deborah: That’s when we’re at home.

Tilden: Can’t I even say it in public?

 

Next stop: Thursday, September 28th, 8:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.