Thursday, December 7th, 6:00pm
Lily (and Phil)
Lily sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside her.
Lily: Hi.
Phil: (sighs) My car broke down.
Lily: Aww, that’s too bad.
Phil: Yeah. I’ve got to get rid of that piece of crap and get something new. I hate taking the bus.
Lily: I’ve got something for sale.
Phil: Yeah? Is it Japanese?
Lily: Nope. It’s all Transylvanian, baby. (smiles, running her tongue across her fake fangs)
Phil changes seats.
Next stop: Friday, December 8th, 9:00pm
Note: Adult theme
Friday, December 1st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Eric)
Lily sits at the window. Eric takes the seat beside her.
Lily: Hi.
Eric: Hello.
Lily: Are you nice?
Eric: I think so.
Lily: (giggles) I need a nice guy.
Eric: Errr … okay. I’m married.
Lily: Oh. That’s too bad. I was going to ask you if you wanted a blow job. (smiles, showing a mouthful of fake fangs)
Eric: (smiles warily) That’s okay. I’ll pass.
Next stop: Saturday, December 2nd, 5:00pm
Thursday, November 30th, 7:00pm
Michael (and The Darkness)
Michael sits at the window, reading The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. The Darkness takes the seat beside him.
The Darkness: (looking back and forth between the book and his own left hand) I am The Darkness.
Michael: (glancing at The Darkness) I beg your pardon?
The Darkness: (snatches the book away) I am the Darkness!
Michael: Hey, give me my book back!
The Darkness: (stands, holding the book up) I AM THE DARKNESS!! I AM THE DARKNESS!!
The Darkness gets kicked off the bus. With Michael’s book.
Next stop: Friday, December 1st, 8:00pm
Note: Strong language
Wednesday, November 29th, 5:00pm
Monica (and Justin)
Monica sits in the window seat. Justin takes the seat across the aisle.
Justin: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?
Monica: Who, me? I don’t think so. I came here from out west.
Justin: Oh yeah? Whereabouts?
Monica: Calgary.
Justin: Calgary! You must know Jimmy Schrodinger!
Monica: Errr … no …?
Justin: How about Dave Brown?
Monica: I do know a Dave Brown, but …
Justin: Long blonde hair? Really skinny?
Monica: (shakes head) No. He has short black hair and he’s pretty big.
Justin: Weird. My name is Justin by the way. What’s yours?
Monica: (scoffs) Fuck you.
Justin: Well that’s nice. Are all people from Calgary like you?
Monica: Ask Jimmy Whatever, asshole.
Next stop: Thursday, November 30th, 7:00pm
Sunday, November 26th, 5:00pm
Andrea (and Thomas)
Andrea sits at the window. Thomas takes the seat beside her.
Andrea: (batting her eyelashes) Hi.
Thomas: Hey there, good lookin’ lady. (spits on the floor in the aisle)
Andrea: EW!!
Thomas: What?
Andrea: EW! EW! EW! EW!
Thomas: (spits on the floor again) What?
Andrea: EW! EW! EWWW!!!!
Thomas gets up, shaking his head, and moves to another seat.
Next stop: Monday, November 27th, 6:00pm
Note: Strong language
Wednesday, November 22nd, 10:00am
Lacey and Kevin
Kevin: I’m real glad we live close.
Lacey: (sounding unenthusiastic) Yeah.
Kevin: And now that we work at the same place, we can take the bus together.
Lacey: Uh huh.
Kevin: I wasn’t surprised I got the job.
Lacey: Really.
Kevin: I won an award for selling the most shoes at the place I worked in, in Kingston.
Lacey: Uh huh.
Kevin: Kingston, Jamaica.
Lacey: You mentioned that yesterday.
Kevin: It was a lot different there. Spending time on the beach all day, playing volleyball …
Lacey: Uh huh.
Kevin: It was real nice there. And it never rained.
Lacey: Never?
Kevin: Well only at, like, 2am when no one was out sunbathing anyways.
Lacey: No shit.
Kevin: No shit. It was perfect.
Lacey: So why’d you move here?
Kevin: This guy gave me all this money and said if I wanted to keep it, I had to move to Canada.
Lacey stares at him.
Kevin: Seriously! I had to stash it in my house where no one would find it.
Lacey: Your house where you live with your mom.
Kevin: Yeah. I can’t exactly go around spendin’ it. People would wonder.
Lacey: Uh huh.
Next stop: Thursday, November 23rd, 5:00pm
Tuesday, November 21st, 6:00pm
Amber (and Geeves)
Amber sits at the window. Geeves takes the seat beside her.
Geeves: Good afternoon.
Amber: Hey.
Geeves: (taking a sandwich out of his bag, he lifts the top piece of bread) Oh no, not again. (to Amber) Excuse me.
Amber: Huh?
Geeves: Have you any Grey Poupon?
Amber: Any what now?
Geeves: (lifts corner of lip in disgust) Ugh.
Next stop: Wednesday, November 22nd, 10:00am
Sunday, November 19th, 1:00pm
Rachael (and Smiley)
Rachael sits by the window. Smiley takes the seat beside her.
Smiley: (smiling) Hey. Great day, eh?
Rachael smiles and turns away.
Smiley: Nice puppy you’ve got there, eh?
Rachael: (turns to him) What … are you talking about?
Smiley: (points to her lap) Your puppy.
Rachael: (looks down, turns up palms) I don’t have a puppy.
Smiley: What’s that then?
Rachael: I don’t have anything.
Smiley: (smiling) Pretend, eh?
Rachael: No. (turns away and looks out the window)
Smiley: You know, if you act like that, your puppy’s gonna bite you.
Rachael: (mumbles in the direction of the window) Maybe you should go away before it bites you.
Smiley: (chuckles) Now you’re talkin’!
Next stop: Monday, November 20th, 3:00pm
Note: Strong language
Thursday, November 16th, 6:00pm
Michael (and Wanda)
Michael sits at the window, reading a book. Wanda takes the seat beside him.
Wanda: Do you mind if I paint my nails?
Michael: (without looking away from his book) Nope.
Wanda: (takes a bottle of nail polish out of her pocket) Nasty outside today.
Michael: (without looking away from his book) Yep.
Wanda: (singing) Oh the weather outside is frightful. (speaking) Shit. (singing) But the fire is so delightful. (speaking, etc.) Shit. But as long as you love me so. Shit. Let …
Michael: (regards her for the first time) Why do you keep saying “shit”?
Wanda: The bus keeps ruining my nail polish when it goes over a bump.
Michael: So don’t paint your nails on the bus.
Wanda: Mind your own business.
Michael goes back to his book.
Wanda: (singing) Let it … Shit. Let it … Shit. Let it … Shit.
Next stop: Friday, November 17th, 7:00pm
Note: Strong language
Friday, November 10th, 8:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Edward)
Bella: I hate coming on this bus. I’m just waiting for that creep with the teeth to show up again.
Alice: Well, he’s not here now. And even if he was, this place we’re going to is totally worth it.
Bella: I look okay? Do you like my earrings?
Alice: They’re so cute!
Bella: I just hope I can meet someone nice.
Alice: Believe me, there are TONS of single guys.
Edward: (pops up from behind them) Hello.
Bella and Alice jump forward on their seats.
Bella: Where the fuck did you come from?
Edward: I’ve been here all the time. I’m disappointed in you, Bella. You don’t need anyone but me.
Alice: (speaking as though to someone who doesn’t understand English) She. Doesn’t. Need. You. Now go away, and stop being so fuckin’ creepy.
Edward: (ignoring Alice) Bella don’t go with her. Come with me. I’ll show you what it’s like to really live.
Bella: Go away before I call the cops.
Edward: The police can’t hold me. I’m a vampire. (smiles, showing his plastic fangs)
Alice: (opens her bag) Where’s my can of mace?
Edward: (scoffs) Mace can’t hurt me.
Bella: Wait, I’ve got something better.
Bella pulls a clove of garlic out of her purse.
Edward: (eyes wide) NO! (runs for the door)
Alice: Nice one.
Bella: I was a Girl Scout.
Next stop: Saturday, November 11th, 11:00am
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