Life in progress

Tag Archives: Funny


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281. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme.

Friday, June 8th, 9:00pm
Drommen (and Phillipa)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Phillipa takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: It’s you again!

Phillipa: Well look at that; so it is.

Drommen: I think I’m ready this time.

Phillipa: To masturbate for me? Isn’t that lovely.

Drommen opens his trenchcoat.

Phillipa: (pulls an apple out of her bag and takes a big juicy bite) You know, I’ve never done this before. (wipes juice off her chin) Is it going to be messy?

Drommen: (watching her) Errr …

Phillipa: Because I have tissues in here somewhere. (digs in her purse and pulls out a pair of panties) Can you hold this for me?

Drommen takes them.

Phillipa: I had to take those off earlier today. I’m going commando right now.

Drommen: Uh huh.

Phillipa: They were just so wet … I get very excited, just spontaneously. You might not be the only one who needs a tissue here.

Drommen: Uh huh.

Phillipa: Oh here they are. (pulls out a package of tissues and holds her hand out) Can I have those back now.

Drommen: Sure.

Phillipa: Okie dokie. Whip it out, and let’s get started.

Drommen: Err…

Phillipa: Something the matter?

Drommen: This has never happened to me before.

Phillipa: You’re already finished, aren’t you?

(Drommen blushes)

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 9th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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280. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, June 7th, 4:00pm
Jocelyn and Jody

 

Jody: Mommy?

Jocelyn: Yes, dear?

Jody: (points to a nun, seated across the aisle) Is that a penguin?

Jocelyn: No, that’s a nun.

Jody: That’s what Daddy told me.

Jocelyn: (frowns) What did Daddy tell you?

Jody: I asked if there were any penguins here, and he said there’s none.

 

Next stop: Friday, June 8th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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278. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, June 5th, 5:00pm
MoJo and JoJo

 

JoJo: Oh man, I tell ya, dude, I’m tireda thinkin’.

MoJo: Really, dude. Wouldn’t it be nice to just, ya know, stop thinkin’ for a while?

JoJo: Dude, I so wish I could. It’s like this bus, right?

MoJo: I don’t get it.

JoJo: Well, you know. The bus just goes, right? You get on, it takes you from point A to point B, and you get off. Simple.

MoJo: Gotcha, dude. And nobody has to think.

JoJo: Buses have it made, man.

MoJo: Do they! I wish I was a bus.

JoJo: Me too, dude.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, June 6th, 9:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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274. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Friday, June 1st, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Edward)

 

Bella: You know who we haven’t seen in a while?

Alice: Who?

Bella: Edward.

Edward: (pops up in the seat behind, making Bella and Alice jump) Hello!

Alice: Speak of the devil.

Edward: (to Bella) You conjured?

Bella: Now that you’re here, you can go away.

Edward: I’ve missed you, Bella.

Alice: She hasn’t missed you.

Edward: (to Bella) I have a new job. (smiles, exposing fake fangs) I’m rich now.

Bella: Ooooh, that makes me want you even more!

Edward: It does?

Bella: No. Go away.

Edward: You hurt me to the core. But one day, my love, we’ll be together.

Alice: No you won’t.

Edward: (to Bella, whispering) Forever.

Bella: Look, idiot, you’re not getting the message. I. Don’t. Want. To. Date. You.

Edward: You don’t have to date me. Just be my bride.

Bella: Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.

Edward: It will. Mark my words.

Alice: I’ll mark your forehead with “loser” if you don’t fucking get lost.

Edward: (smiles) You’ll see me again. Soon.

Edward gets off the bus.

Bella: Think he’s ever going to give up?

Alice: (shrugs) Guys like that always do eventually.

 

Next stop: Saturday, June 2nd, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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269. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, May 27th, 9:00am
Gary and Danielle

 

Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who swims?

Danielle: Bob.

Gary: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who water skis?

Danielle: Skip.

Gary: What do you call a dog with no legs?

Danielle: Doesn’t matter. He won’t come to you anyway.

Gary: What’s the biggest advantage of being a test-tube baby?

Danielle: You get a womb with a view.

Gary: You’re a real know-it-all, aren’t you?

Danielle: Yep.

Gary: I need new friends.

Danielle: What you need is jokes less than 30 years old.

Gary: Touché

 

Next stop: Monday, May 28th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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263. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 21st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Edward)

 

Lily sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Oh, thank the Master you’re here.

Edward: What’s wrong?

Lily: I hooked up with this guy the other night, and he literally took a bite out of me. (lifts sleeve to show shoulder wound) Look.

Edward: (cringes) That’s nasty. I hope you bit him back.

Lily: Of course! But that doesn’t help this. (points to wound) And the worst part is I think I’ve got hair growing out of my ears now.

Edward: Do you think he’s a werewolf?

Lily: Holy Garlic, I hope not. What kind of monster would that make me?

Edward: Same kind as him if you bit him too. Let me look in your ears.

Lily brushes hair out of the way and tilts head.

Edward: Hmm …

Lily: What?

Edward: What colour is our ear wax supposed to be?

Lily: Vampires don’t have ear wax.

Edward: We don’t? (sticks finger in ear, pulls it out and studies it) You’re right. Well, the good news is I don’t see any hair.

Lily: The bad news?

Edward: I can see out the window through there.

Lily hits him, then doubles over in pain from shoulder wound.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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246. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, May 4th, 8:00am
MoJo and JoJo (and Sean)

 

MoJo: You know what day it is today, right dude?

JoJo: Dude!

MoJo: Totally!

JoJo: Go forth and prosper, dude!

MoJo: Awesome, dude!

Both: (stand up and raise fists in the air. To the bus.) IT’S STAR TREK DAY!!

Sean: (from the seat behind them) That’s Star Wars day. Dudes.

MoJo: No way!

JoJo: Nuh uh, dude.

Sean: It’s May the fourth.

MoJo: Yeah, it’s Go Forth and Prosper Day.

Sean: (shakes his head and enunciates) May. The. Forth.

MoJo: (enunciating) I. Know.

Sean: (shrugs) Whatever.

Both sit down.

JoJo: Dude, that guy, man. (points at ear and draws a circle in the air and sings Twilight Zone theme)

MoJo: (nods) Dude.

 

Next stop: Saturday, May 5th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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244. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, May 2nd, 6:00pm
The Grim Reaper (and The Darkness)

 

The Grim Reaper sits at the window with his scythe. The Darkness boards the bus and approaches.

The Grim Reaper: (looking up) Who do you think you are?

The Darkness: (conversationally) I am The Darkness.

The Grim Reaper: I’m afraid I’ll have to see some ID.

The Darkness pulls card from pocket and hands it to The Grim Reaper.

The Grim Reaper: (leans his scythe against the seat and takes the card. reading) Last name, Darkness, first name, The. I guess you want to see mine now.

The Darkness nods.

The Grim Reaper: (hands The Darkness back the card, picks up the scythe and exits the bus. mumbling) Damn it, Martha was right. I should have brought my wallet.

 

Next stop: Thursday, May 3rd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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242. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, April 30th, 5:00pm
Simon (and Rachael)

 

Simon sits at the window. Rachael takes the seat beside him.

Rachael: Damnit! (studies her finger)

Simon: Break a nail?

Rachael: Yeah.

Simon: I can fix it for you.

Rachael: You have nail clippers?

Simon: No, just give it here. (grabs for her hand)

Rachael: (recoils) What are you doing?

Simon: I’ll bite it off for you.

Rachael stares, horrified.

Simon: C’mon. Just a nibble.

Rachael changes seats.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 1st, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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239. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, April 27th, 6:00pm
Jose and Gisele

 

Gisele: Thanks for coming out for coffee with me.

Jose: Oh no problem. It was … nice.

Gisele: (after an uncomfortable silence) So, you have any plans for the summer?

Jose: I was thinking about going away on vacation, but I have reservations.

Gisele: Oh yeah? Where are you heading?

Jose: I’m not even sure I want to go.

Gisele: Then … why did you make reservations?

 

Next stop: Saturday, April 28th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.