Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


by 57 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Report

Day Two of March Break has come to a successful conclusion: we are all still alive.

In other news, is it spring yet?

Asking for a friend.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


by 4 Comments

194. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, March 13th, 4:00pm
Simon (and Darlene)

 

Simon sits at the window. Darlene takes the seat beside him.

Simon: (turns slowly to look at Darlene) Excuse me.

Darlene: Yes?

Simon: If you lived among cannibals, would you ever brag that you have good taste?

Darlene: (thinks for a moment) No, I wouldn’t.

Simon: Neither would I.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 14th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 15 Comments

#SoCS – Sofa, so good

Well, I was going to get loads of work done today. Work on my own novel, on the short story I’m writing to submit to the upcoming anthology by Transmundane Press, work on my editing website, and on the introduction I need to write for the St. Patrick’s Day anthology I edited. And what have I done so far? Your guess is as good as mine, but it wasn’t any of the above.

Thing is, I have been working all day. I must have, because I didn’t play a single computer game. I did do a final proofreading run-through on the St. Patty’s anthology. And my butt is square from sitting on the sofa all day, so I must have been on the laptop.

I do keep getting up to grab myself something from the fridge in hopes that when I get back, I’ll get something done. But it’s like there’s so much to do I’m not sure where to start, so I end up doing things like chatting on Facebook (I have to–it’s anthology work), or scrolling through the, like, 50 tabs I have open to see what’s new. Social media is my downfall. I admit it.

What else have I done today? I avoided wine. That’s gotta count for something, especially since Alex is on a rare weekend at his dad’s. I know, I say I “avoided” wine like it’s flying through the air, aiming at me. It’s not true. It’s actually tucked into a wine rack in the basement. All two dozen bottles … Mmm, wine.

BUT, I can still get some work done tonight, can’t I? It’s only … 11:06pm. Oh damn, the clocks go forward. It may as well be after midnight. Where does the time go?!? Alex will be home before I know it, and I won’t have any work done!! May as well give up and drink wine.

Oh look! There’s a bottle now! Better catch it.

This crazy post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find the prompt post here and read all the contributing blogs! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-10-18/


by 57 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Misunderstandings

When your best friend spends five minutes explaining that it will take four people to put the cat on the back of the pickup truck and one person to bolt it down, and for five minutes you’re totally confused, only to figure out that he said “cap,” not “cat.”

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


by 60 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – How I Roll

Once in a while I get a brilliant idea for a story–something that’s so mind-boggling, that I just KNOW it’s best-selling-novel material. I’ll be so excited that there’s NO WAY I’m going to forget this idea, but I write myself a little note, just to make sure.

Here’s one example, that’s been on my phone for almost a year:

I have no freakin’ clue what the story was going to be about.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


by Leave a comment

179. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, February 26th, 4:00pm
Miles (and Andrea)

 

Miles sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Andrea: (under her breath) Man, this weather sucks ass.

Miles: Yes it does. Do you have any toilet paper?

Andrea: Ewww! Eww! Eww! Eww!

Andrea changes seats.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, February 27th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 1 Comment

178. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Sunday, February 25th, 10:00am
Xavier (and Zoey)

Xavier sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.

Xavier: Hi.

Zoey: (regards him briefly) Hi.

Xavier: I’m not who you think I am.

Zoey: (looks at him closer) I don’t think you’re anyone.

Xavier: What do you mean? Don’t you recognize me? Or recognize who I look like?

Zoey: I don’t … know what you mean.

Xavier snorts.

Zoey: Who are you supposed to be?

Xavier: (outraged) Supposed to be? I can’t believe you don’t recognize me!

Zoey: But … you said you’re not who I think you … might be.

Xavier: (folds arms and looks out window, mumbling) Shitty-assed town. Don’t even recognize Johnny Depp when you see him.

Zoey: Johnny Depp?

Xavier turns and grins slightly.

Zoey: (eyes widen) Now I … I still don’t see it.

Xavier: (mumbles) Bitch.

Zoey: (mumbles) Idiot.

 

Next stop: Monday, February 26th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 17 Comments

#SoCS – Doors we don’t go through

As the last door I went through that wasn’t mine was my son’s school door, it got me to thinking about my own school. I refer to it as mine loosely, for two reasons. One is I haven’t taken a course in almost a year–I’ve either been too busy making money to afford one, or too broke to afford one. There has to be a solution there somewhere … Save the money? Yeah. But I keep spending it on stupid things like hydro and gas.

The other reason I hesitate to call it my school is I’ll probably never walk through the front door of it. According to Google maps, it’s about 4,600km (2,858 miles) away, which is apparently a 42-hour drive. That’s one hell of a commute every day … or every four days if I don’t sleep. It really looks like a lovely place though. https://www.sfu.ca/ Lovely enough that I’ll try to visit one day.

Weird that we now have the technology and means to go anywhere in the world, but we rarely do. I imagine if I cut off my Internet and saved the money instead to fly around the world, I’d get out a lot more. But then, how would I know where to go without the Internet to show me the great places I could visit? Sure, I could go to restaurants and use their Internet, but that would result in spending my money again. Especially if I have to drag the kids along so they could get their Internet fixes. Yeah, bad idea.

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to read all the other entries, which you’ll find in the comments, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/02/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-24-18/


by Leave a comment

175. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, February 22nd, 6:00pm
Miles (and Hillary)

 

Miles sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.

Miles: Excuse me.

Hillary regards him.

Miles: Do you have any toilet paper?

Hillary laughs until she almost misses her stop.

 

Next stop: Friday, February 23rd, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by Leave a comment

174. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, February 21st, 3:00pm
Colm and Harvey

 

Colm: I need to tell you …

Harvey: What? What is it?

Colm: I can’t do it anymore.

Harvey: Neither can I.

Colm: Seriously? I thought you’d be upset.

Harvey: No. I understand. Completely.

Colm: (exhales deeply) Good. To be honest, I was getting tired of putting on makeup and prancing around the living room until the neighbours called the cops.

Harvey: (stares) I thought you meant taking the bus!

Colm: Damn it.

 

Next stop: Thursday, February 22nd, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.