Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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One-Liner Wednesday – Misunderstandings

When your best friend spends five minutes explaining that it will take four people to put the cat on the back of the pickup truck and one person to bolt it down, and for five minutes you’re totally confused, only to figure out that he said “cap,” not “cat.”

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


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One-Liner Wednesday – How I Roll

Once in a while I get a brilliant idea for a story–something that’s so mind-boggling, that I just KNOW it’s best-selling-novel material. I’ll be so excited that there’s NO WAY I’m going to forget this idea, but I write myself a little note, just to make sure.

Here’s one example, that’s been on my phone for almost a year:

I have no freakin’ clue what the story was going to be about.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


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179. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, February 26th, 4:00pm
Miles (and Andrea)

 

Miles sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Andrea: (under her breath) Man, this weather sucks ass.

Miles: Yes it does. Do you have any toilet paper?

Andrea: Ewww! Eww! Eww! Eww!

Andrea changes seats.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, February 27th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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178. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Sunday, February 25th, 10:00am
Xavier (and Zoey)

Xavier sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.

Xavier: Hi.

Zoey: (regards him briefly) Hi.

Xavier: I’m not who you think I am.

Zoey: (looks at him closer) I don’t think you’re anyone.

Xavier: What do you mean? Don’t you recognize me? Or recognize who I look like?

Zoey: I don’t … know what you mean.

Xavier snorts.

Zoey: Who are you supposed to be?

Xavier: (outraged) Supposed to be? I can’t believe you don’t recognize me!

Zoey: But … you said you’re not who I think you … might be.

Xavier: (folds arms and looks out window, mumbling) Shitty-assed town. Don’t even recognize Johnny Depp when you see him.

Zoey: Johnny Depp?

Xavier turns and grins slightly.

Zoey: (eyes widen) Now I … I still don’t see it.

Xavier: (mumbles) Bitch.

Zoey: (mumbles) Idiot.

 

Next stop: Monday, February 26th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Doors we don’t go through

As the last door I went through that wasn’t mine was my son’s school door, it got me to thinking about my own school. I refer to it as mine loosely, for two reasons. One is I haven’t taken a course in almost a year–I’ve either been too busy making money to afford one, or too broke to afford one. There has to be a solution there somewhere … Save the money? Yeah. But I keep spending it on stupid things like hydro and gas.

The other reason I hesitate to call it my school is I’ll probably never walk through the front door of it. According to Google maps, it’s about 4,600km (2,858 miles) away, which is apparently a 42-hour drive. That’s one hell of a commute every day … or every four days if I don’t sleep. It really looks like a lovely place though. https://www.sfu.ca/ Lovely enough that I’ll try to visit one day.

Weird that we now have the technology and means to go anywhere in the world, but we rarely do. I imagine if I cut off my Internet and saved the money instead to fly around the world, I’d get out a lot more. But then, how would I know where to go without the Internet to show me the great places I could visit? Sure, I could go to restaurants and use their Internet, but that would result in spending my money again. Especially if I have to drag the kids along so they could get their Internet fixes. Yeah, bad idea.

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to read all the other entries, which you’ll find in the comments, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/02/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-24-18/


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175. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, February 22nd, 6:00pm
Miles (and Hillary)

 

Miles sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.

Miles: Excuse me.

Hillary regards him.

Miles: Do you have any toilet paper?

Hillary laughs until she almost misses her stop.

 

Next stop: Friday, February 23rd, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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174. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, February 21st, 3:00pm
Colm and Harvey

 

Colm: I need to tell you …

Harvey: What? What is it?

Colm: I can’t do it anymore.

Harvey: Neither can I.

Colm: Seriously? I thought you’d be upset.

Harvey: No. I understand. Completely.

Colm: (exhales deeply) Good. To be honest, I was getting tired of putting on makeup and prancing around the living room until the neighbours called the cops.

Harvey: (stares) I thought you meant taking the bus!

Colm: Damn it.

 

Next stop: Thursday, February 22nd, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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One-Liner Wednesday – The Perfect Toy

My best friend, John, found the perfect toy for Winston, my beagle-bassett cross.

Toy bottles of wine, just like Mommy loves (though Mommy’s wine isn’t a toy … don’t touch Mommy’s wine!!)

With a picture of a Winston-like dog, with Winston’s name

Winston loves his wine!! (And Mommy loves hers too.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


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170. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, February 17th, 8:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: … so she threatened me with a stake.

Lily: No way!

Edward: Yes way!

Lily: I think we should get her before she gets us. She’s clearly dangerous.

Edward: What do you mean, “get her”?

Lily: You know, get her. Take her down. Down to the ground. Down INTO the ground, if you know what I mean.

Edward: No.

Lily: What do you mean, “no”?

Edward: You’ve got to stay away from her.

Lily: If you think I’m just going to sit by and wait for her to come along with a wooden stake, and…

Edward: I’ll take care of her. I’ll drain her and make her one of us. That’s what I’ll do.

Lily: But … I don’t want there to be another girl vampire. You’ve got me.

Edward: So?

Lily: So, you’ve got me!

Edward: You’re being irrational.

Lily: I’m being irrational? Edward, this girl might have friends. Next thing you know, they’ll be coming after us with torches and pitchforks!

Edward: You’re just jealous.

Lily: I’m … what? Me? Jealous? No way.

Edward: Yes way.

Lily:  (turns away, mumbling) You’re insane.

 

Next stop: Sunday, February 18th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Story Updates

“His eyes glowed with the ferocity of the demon within.”

This could almost be the tagline for the second novel in my series. It seems I need something to warn people that it won’t be as tame as the first book–the one so many people said could have gone under the young adult (YA) tag. So there’s that.

In other writing news, I’ve decided to give my sexy short story to my existing pseudonym, so she’ll be making her debut soon. The way it looks now, the anthology will be free, so everyone who’s interested will be able to afford it. I, with my team of editors (Milly who’s doing the developmental editing, and Raine who’s proofreading–I’m copyediting), are working hard, also for free, to get this thing looking professional. It’s a labour of love, in more ways than one. I’m still hoping to get the aforementioned series novel out soon. I need more hours in a day. Maybe a cover reveal will get me off my butt for that. Yeah.

In the meantime, here’s the cover “reveal” (ahem) for the sexy book I’m editing and included in. As you can see, the target audience is more on the side of “her.”

This post, complete with bonus points earned, is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Click the following link to check out all the other entries and to join in, too! https://lindaghill.com/2018/02/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-17-18/