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Tag Archives: humorous fiction


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228. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, April 16th, 5:00pm
Farmer Brown (and Phil)

 

Farmer Brown sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside him.

Phil: (sighs) Oh what a relief.

Farmer Brown: What would that be, son?

Phil: (smiles) I get my car back tomorrow.

Farmer Brown: (smiles back) Nothing quite like having your own vehicle, is there?

Phil: No sir, there’s not. It’s finally out of the shop after my accident, and I’m on the mend too.

Farmer Brown: And the open road is ahead of you.

Phil: Right you are. You know, it’s refreshing to find someone on the bus who really “gets it.” Someone sane for a change.

Farmer Brown: (nods, then takes phone out of his pocket) Excuse me, I have to get this.

Phil: You go ahead.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Hello? No. You’re kidding. Again? (frowns) Okay, put her on.

Farmer Brown glances at Phil and rolls his eyes.

Farmer Brown: (into his phone) Moo. Moo moo moo moo. Moomoomoo. Okay. (waits) Yeah, I told her. She promised not to do it again. Okay, see you soon. (hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket. To Phil:) Damned sheep got out of the barn again.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, April 17th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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222. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, April 10th, 5:00pm
Simon (and Jade)

 

Simon sits at the window. Jade takes the seat beside him.

Simon: You smell nice.

Jade: (smiles) Thank you.

Simon: What’s that you’re wearing?

Jade: Nothing. I don’t wear perfume.

Simon: No, I meant your clothes. Are they edible?

Jade stares at him.

Simon: Or are they like the peeeeel on a banana?

Jade changes seats.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 11th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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219. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, April 7th, 3:00pm
Karla (and Kevin)

 

Karla sits at the window. Kevin takes the seat beside her.

Kevin: Nice cell you got there.

Karla: (without looking up from her cell phone) Uh huh.

Kevin: I just got a new one myself. (digs phone out of his pocket)

Karla: (without looking up) That’s nice.

Kevin: Cost me two thousand bucks.

Karla: (glances at his phone) You got ripped off.

Kevin: No way. This thing is fast. Put it on a table and it turns the whole table into a screen.

Karla: (without looking up) Uh huh.

Kevin: Even a wooden table.

Karla: Riiiight.

Kevin: It’s true.

Karla: (looks at him) Put it down on that seat over there. I wanna see it turn into a screen.

Kevin: (shakes head) Won’t work. It’s not a table.

Karla scoffs at him and goes back to her phone.

Kevin: It can even predict the lottery numbers.

Karla: (without looking up) So you’ll be buying a car tomorrow?

Kevin: (smiles) Prolly.

Karla: Good, then you won’t be on the bus.

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 8th, 9:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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216. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, April 4th, 4:00 7:00pm

Maurice (and Stuart)

 

(Maurice sits at the window. Stuart takes the seat beside him.)

Maurice: Well, hello there.

Stuart: Don’t ask.

Maurice: Okay then.

Stuart: Okay, fine. I’m late because of a power outage.

Maurice: That’s understandable. At least it didn’t have anything to do with the cat this time.

Stuart: You would think so, wouldn’t you.

Maurice: But … you sent the cat to the pound.

Stuart: The cat came back.

Maurice: The very next day?

Stuart: Yep. The old lady went and picked it up.

Maurice: How did she know where it was?

Stuart: She says it sent for her in a dream. That the cat’s her familiar or something.

Maurice: Wow. So how did the cat have anything to do with the power outage?

Stuart: (shakes his head) You’re going to think this is crazy.

Maurice: Try me.

Stuart: The old lady says the cat conjured the wind storm that felled the tree branch that knocked out the power. And get this: all because it wanted me to talk about it.

Maurice: You’re right. That’s crazy. …wait, you don’t believe it, do you?

Stuart: Have you got a better explanation for this weather?

Maurice: Nope.

Stuart: There you go then.

 

Next stop: Thursday, April 5th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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215. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, April 3rd, 8:00am
Michael (and Joanna)

 

Michael sits at the window reading the newspaper. Joanna takes the seat beside him.

Michael: This is incredible.

Joanna: What is?

Michael: This. (shows her a picture in the newspaper) Did you hear about it?

Joanna: (grimaces) What the hell is that even a picture of?

Michael: (points) It’s a guy.

Joanna: In a tree? What, is he stuck?

Michael: Yeah. He was found hanging from a limb, and … Here, I’ll just read it: “On Sunday morning, an east-end resident called police when she heard loud shrieking noises coming from her back yard shortly after she let her dog out. Before the police arrived, she snapped a picture of a man hanging from her century old oak, pinned there by his collar by a short wooden stake. It wasn’t until police arrived, however, that she found the man’s biggest complaint wasn’t the hanging, but the fact that he had lost his plastic vampire fangs. The dog was later discovered wearing an extra-toothy grin.”

Joanna: (shakes head) Takes all kinds I guess.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 4th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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213. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

(Happy Easter!!)

Sunday, April 1st, 4:00pm
James (and Harvie)

 

James: Today is your big day. Tomorrow too.

Harvie nods.

James: Are you excited?

Harvie: (bouncing up and down) Oh yes. Very.

James: I think you should stop bouncing …

Harvie: (bounces) I can’t help it!

James: … at least until we get off the bus …

Harvie: (bounces higher) But I’m so happy!

James: … because if you don’t …

Harvie: (bounces very high and then stops) Oh no!

James: You laid an egg, didn’t you.

Harvie: I’m sorry.

James picks up a chocolate egg from the seat beside him and exits the bus.

 

Next stop: Monday, April 2nd, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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212. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, March 31, 8:00pm
Edward (and Andrea)

 

Edward sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Andrea: Hi, honey.

Edward: No …

Andrea: Do you like it?

Edward: Noooo …

Andrea: But … Lacey promised me you’d like it anyway. We tried, but …

Edward: It’s pink. Your hair is pink.

Andrea: Well I like it. Even though it was an accident. Should I try again? ‘Coz I can, like, try again next week.

Edward: (covers his face with his hands and laments) It’s too late. It’s too late!!

Andrea: Does … that mean we’re not, like, going to the party anymore?

Edward: You idiot! Of course we’re not going to a party. We were never going to a party!

Andrea: (reaches into her bag and pulls out a wooden stake) Damned right, sucka!!

Edward leaps over her and runs for the door. Andrea chases him off the bus.

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 1st, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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211. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, March 30th, 8:00pm
Edward and Vlad

 

Vlad: So you say you vill have the girl.

Edward: I vill!  … I mean, I will. Tomorrow night.

Vlad: And you are sure it is the girl vith the golden hair.

Edward: It is, Master.

Vlad: This is your last chance, Edvard. If you do not satisfy my request this time, I vill have to find another vampire to fill your place. I expect you to have no excuses.

Edward: (swallows) Yes, Master.

Vlad: (rubs hands together) And nothing this time vill keep me apart from the girl vith the golden hair.

Edward: Of course not. (stares out the window) What could possibly go wrong?

 

Next stop: Saturday, March 31st, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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210. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, March 29th, 7:00pm
Edward (and Andrea)

 

Edward sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Andrea: Eddie!

Edward: Please don’t call me that. Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for two days.

Andrea: (flutters eyelashes) You have?!

Edward: Yes. Didn’t your friend tell you?

Andrea: No. In fact she’s been giving me taxi money.

Edward: Drat.

Andrea: But I’m here now! I got this, like, great new job, and …

Edward: You’re not blond. I need you blond.

Andrea: Wh … what for?

Edward: A party. (nods with satisfaction) I want to take you to a party.

Andrea: What kind of party?

Edward: A … blond party.

Andrea: (smiles) Sounds like fun! When is it?

Edward: I’ll have to check. How soon can you be blond?

Andrea: I can do it on, like, Saturday morning.

Edward: Excellent. I’ll see you Saturday.

Edward stares at her.

Edward: Can you let me out please?

Andrea: Wh … That’s it?

Edward: What else is there?

Andrea: I don’t know. Like, a kiss goodbye would be nice.

Edward: Don’t make me jump out the window again.

Andrea: (gets up slowly) Okay then. (calls to him as he gets off the bus) See you soon, Eddie … Edward!

 

Next stop: Friday, March 30th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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209. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, March 28th, 7:00pm
Drommen (and Miles)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Miles takes the seat beside him.

Miles: Hello.

Drommen: Hi.

Miles: Nice day.

Drommen: Yes.

Miles: Would you happen to have any toilet paper?

Drommen: Sorry, I used the last of it five minutes ago.

Miles: Ah.

 

Next stop: Thursday, March 29th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.