Wednesday, March 14th, 8:00pm
Grub (and Hillary and everyone else on the bus)
Grub sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.
Grub: Hey.
Hillary: Hey.
Grub: I love you, man.
Grub reaches out to touch her. She moves to the seat behind.
Grub: (stands and turns) I love you, man!
Grub: (lifts hands) I love all of you!
Grub gets kicked off the bus.
Next stop: Thursday, March 15th, 5:00pm
Tuesday, March 13th, 4:00pm
Simon (and Darlene)
Simon sits at the window. Darlene takes the seat beside him.
Simon: (turns slowly to look at Darlene) Excuse me.
Darlene: Yes?
Simon: If you lived among cannibals, would you ever brag that you have good taste?
Darlene: (thinks for a moment) No, I wouldn’t.
Simon: Neither would I.
Next stop: Wednesday, March 14th, 8:00pm
Note: Strong language
Monday, March 12th, 5:00pm
Phil (and Fiona)
Phil sits at the window. Fiona takes the seat beside him.
Fiona: Where’s your car?
Phil: I beg your pardon?
Fiona: Your car. Ain’t you the guy I seen who’s gettin’ a car?
Phil: (snorts) Right. You told me you got into an accident. Probably jinxed me.
Fiona: Did you get into ‘n accident too?
Phil: Yeah. Smashed up my car AND my arm. (points to left arm in a sling) I’m just waiting for the insurance company to settle.
Fiona: You’re not gettin’ another car, are ya?
Phil: I plan to.
Fiona: (turns away and mumbles) Thats men for ya. Crazy shit for brains.
Next stop: Tuesday, March 13th, 4:00pm
Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am
Phyllis (and Zoey)
Phyllis sits in the aisle seat. Zoey approaches.
Zoey: Excuse me, may I sit there?
Phyllis: (looks up with a snarl) I knew you were going to ask me that.
Phyllis moves to the window seat and Zoey sits.
Zoey: Thanks.
Phyllis: (waves her hand) Think nothing of it.
They sit quietly for a few stops.
Phyllis: There’s going to be three people waiting at the next stop.
Zoey: Ookay.
Phyllis: What? You don’t believe me?
Zoey: No, sure. I believe you.
Phyllis: I’m psychic. That’s how I knew you were going to ask me to move.
Zoey: (raises one eyebrow) Hm.
The bus stops and three people get on.
Phyllis: (smirks) See? Told you.
Zoey looks at her but says nothing.
Phyllis: You think I’m crazy don’t you?
Zoey: No …?
Phyllis: I’ll prove it again. Next stop is going to be five people getting on.
Zoey: Oookay.
The bus stops and four people get on.
Zoey turns to Phyllis, eyebrows raised.
Phyllis: It’s because I have a skeptic sitting beside me. (flicks hands at Zoey) Go away! You’re blocking my abilities!
Zoey shakes her head and changes seats.
Next stop: Monday, March 12th, 5:00pm
Note: Strong language
Saturday, March 10th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Lily)
Bella: God, I hope we don’t see him tonight.
Alice: Which one?
Bella: Pfft, either of them. How do I keep picking such losers?
Alice: You didn’t exactly pick Edward.
Bella: But Edgar I did. What an asshole.
Alice: Maybe he didn’t just stand you up.
Bella: What are you saying, Edward got him and (hooks two fingers on each hand) “made him a vampire”?
Lily: (pops up behind their seat) Good evening, ladies.
Both jump.
Alice: What the hell do you want?
Lily: I just thought you’d want to know there’s a maniac on the loose.
Bella: Besides you?
Lily: (hisses) Yes, besides me. She’s been chasing Edward and I around with a stake. She wants to kill us. But we’ll get her first. No need to fear, ladies.
Alice: (wipes forehead) Phew! I was shaking in my boots.
Lily: I can smell sarcasm.
Bella: Wait a minute. Wasn’t I your mortal enemy a few weeks back?
Lily: This one’s more of a threat. I’ll deal with you later. Myself.
Alice: (to Bella) I smell a shit stain. Do you smell a shit stain?
Bella: I thought it was garlic.
Lily hisses and heads for the door.
Next stop: Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am
Friday, March 9th, 4:00pm
Sandi and Candice (and Dale)
Candice sits at the window, Sandi in the aisle seat. Dale takes the seat across the aisle.
Dale: (to Sandi) Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while.
Sandi: Hi.
Dale: What’s new?
Sandi: Not much. I got married a few months ago.
Dale: That’s great! Congratulations.
Sandi: What about you?
Dale: Oh you know. Wife left me.
Sandi: That’s too bad …
Dale: (waves hand) It happens. (holds up a leash) And then my dog.
Sandi: Left you?
Dale: Just got hit by a bus. Yesterday.
Sandi: Oh no!
Dale: Yeah. I’m taking the leash to give it to a friend.
Sandi: I’m so sorry for all your troubles.
Dale: Thanks. (looks up) This is my stop. Nice to see you again.
Sandi: You too.
Dale gets off the bus.
Candice: Who was that?
Sandi: I haven’t got a clue.
Next stop: Saturday, March 10th, 9:00pm
Note: Strong language
Thursday, March 8th, 6:00pm
Melvin and Scott
Melvin: Holy shit, man, did you fart?
Scott: No …?
Melvin: No way man. It was you. I’d know your farts anywhere!
Scott: It wa’n’t me, man! It’s probably you!
Melvin: Wa’n’t me! I never stunk like that.
Scott: Bullshit, man. You fuckin’ reek like shit all the time.
Melvin: Nuh uh. Hey, maybe it was that old lady that walked by.
Scott: Prolly.
Melvin: Fuckin’ old ladies, man.
Next stop: Friday, March 9th, 4:00pm
Wednesday, March 7th, 4:00pm
Terry and Shannon
Shannon: C’mon!
Terry: Nope, it’s a surprise.
Shannon: Can’t you at least tell me how much you won before we get there?
Terry: Nope.
Shannon: It must be a lot if we’ve gotta go all the way to the city.
Terry: Yep.
Shannon: So … you’ll be able to get your Internet back. Is it enough for a new computer?
Terry: Maybe.
Shannon: A vacation?
Terry: Maybe.
Shannon: A new house?
Terry: Nah.
Shannon: Oh c’mon, Ter. How much did you win?
Terry: Okay, fine. After I cash in my ticket, I’m getting a flight to visit a girl in London.
Shannon: A … girl?
Terry: (smiles) Yeah.
Shannon: Is she … a girlfriend?
Terry: I hope so.
Shannon stands up.
Terry: Where are you going?
Shannon: Back home.
Terry: W–w–why?
Shannon: If you can’t figure it out now, you never will.
Next stop: Thursday, March 8th, 6:00pm
Note: Strong language
Tuesday, March 6th, 7:00pm
Andrea (and Lily)
Andrea sits at the window. Lily slips quietly into the seat beside her.
Lily: (in her ear) Boo.
Andrea jumps.
Lily: You’re coming with me.
Andrea: What the fuck? No I’m not.
Lily: I have some business to take care of for my friend Edward, and you are coming …
Andrea: Wait, you know Eddie?
Lily: Oh yessss. (sniffs) What do you have in your bag?
Andrea: Oh this? It’s just, like, a steak and some hot cross …
Lily jumps up and runs for the door.
Andrea: …buns. (calls after Lily as she gets off the bus) Tell Eddie I love him!
Next stop: Wednesday, March 7th, 4:00pm
Monday, March 5th, 6:00pm
Hillary (and Drommen)
Hillary sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside her.
Hillary: Hey.
Drommen: Hi there. Sorry I couldn’t make it the other night. My sister needed me.
Hillary: That’s okay.
Drommen: Are you busy tonight?
Hillary: (sits up straight) No.
Drommen: Still got that weed?
Hillary: (smiles) Yeah.
Drommen: I’d invite you back to my place, but we’d be alone. I’ll understand if you’re not comfortable with that.
Hillary: No! No that’s fine. Sooo … what does it do to you anyway? (bats eyelashes) You said you’d tell me when I’m nineteen …
Drommen: (grins) I could show you right now if you’d like.
A man steps up and taps Drommen on the shoulder.
Man: That’s enough, Sir. I’m going to have to ask you to come with us.
Drommen: … but I was just going to …
Man: Ma’am, is this the man you were telling us about?
Hillary: No! It’s another guy!
Man: You don’t have to be afraid to tell me. If this is him …
Hillary: It’s not! It’s another guy who kinda looks like him. The other guy has a mole!
Drommen: Look, if I could just show you what I was …
Man: There’s no need for that, Sir. If you’d just come peaceably.
Hillary: No! Don’t take him! He’s not the one!
Man: You’re not the only one to identify him. I’m sorry.
Hillary: Jake–
Drommen: It’s okay. You have other things to worry about. I’ll see you later.
The undercover cop leads Drommen to the door.
Hillary: (calling to Drommen) I’ll be waiting for you, Jake!
Next stop: Tuesday, March 6th, 7:00pm
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