Life in progress

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191. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, March 10th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Lily)

 

Bella: God, I hope we don’t see him tonight.

Alice: Which one?

Bella: Pfft, either of them. How do I keep picking such losers?

Alice: You didn’t exactly pick Edward.

Bella: But Edgar I did. What an asshole.

Alice: Maybe he didn’t just stand you up.

Bella: What are you saying, Edward got him and (hooks two fingers on each hand) “made him a vampire”?

Lily: (pops up behind their seat) Good evening, ladies.

Both jump.

Alice: What the hell do you want?

Lily: I just thought you’d want to know there’s a maniac on the loose.

Bella: Besides you?

Lily: (hisses) Yes, besides me. She’s been chasing Edward and I around with a stake. She wants to kill us. But we’ll get her first. No need to fear, ladies.

Alice: (wipes forehead) Phew! I was shaking in my boots.

Lily: I can smell sarcasm.

Bella: Wait a minute. Wasn’t I your mortal enemy a few weeks back?

Lily: This one’s more of a threat. I’ll deal with you later. Myself.

Alice: (to Bella) I smell a shit stain. Do you smell a shit stain?

Bella: I thought it was garlic.

Lily hisses and heads for the door.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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190. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, March 9th, 4:00pm
Sandi and Candice (and Dale)

 

Candice sits at the window, Sandi in the aisle seat. Dale takes the seat across the aisle.

Dale: (to Sandi) Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while.

Sandi: Hi.

Dale: What’s new?

Sandi: Not much. I got married a few months ago.

Dale: That’s great! Congratulations.

Sandi: What about you?

Dale: Oh you know. Wife left me.

Sandi: That’s too bad …

Dale: (waves hand) It happens. (holds up a leash) And then my dog.

Sandi: Left you?

Dale: Just got hit by a bus. Yesterday.

Sandi: Oh no!

Dale: Yeah. I’m taking the leash to give it to a friend.

Sandi: I’m so sorry for all your troubles.

Dale: Thanks. (looks up) This is my stop. Nice to see you again.

Sandi: You too.

Dale gets off the bus.

Candice: Who was that?

Sandi: I haven’t got a clue.

 

Next stop: Saturday, March 10th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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189. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Thursday, March 8th, 6:00pm
Melvin and Scott

 

Melvin: Holy shit, man, did you fart?

Scott: No …?

Melvin: No way man. It was you. I’d know your farts anywhere!

Scott: It wa’n’t me, man! It’s probably you!

Melvin: Wa’n’t me! I never stunk like that.

Scott: Bullshit, man. You fuckin’ reek like shit all the time.

Melvin: Nuh uh. Hey, maybe it was that old lady that walked by.

Scott: Prolly.

Melvin: Fuckin’ old ladies, man.

 

Next stop: Friday, March 9th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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188. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, March 7th, 4:00pm
Terry and Shannon

 

Shannon: C’mon!

Terry: Nope, it’s a surprise.

Shannon: Can’t you at least tell me how much you won before we get there?

Terry: Nope.

Shannon: It must be a lot if we’ve gotta go all the way to the city.

Terry: Yep.

Shannon: So … you’ll be able to get your Internet back. Is it enough for a new computer?

Terry: Maybe.

Shannon: A vacation?

Terry: Maybe.

Shannon: A new house?

Terry: Nah.

Shannon: Oh c’mon, Ter. How much did you win?

Terry: Okay, fine. After I cash in my ticket, I’m getting a flight to visit a girl in London.

Shannon: A … girl?

Terry: (smiles) Yeah.

Shannon: Is she … a girlfriend?

Terry: I hope so.

Shannon stands up.

Terry: Where are you going?

Shannon: Back home.

Terry: W–w–why?

Shannon: If you can’t figure it out now, you never will.

 

Next stop: Thursday, March 8th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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187. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Tuesday, March 6th, 7:00pm
Andrea (and Lily)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Lily slips quietly into the seat beside her.

Lily: (in her ear) Boo.

Andrea jumps.

Lily: You’re coming with me.

Andrea: What the fuck? No I’m not.

Lily: I have some business to take care of for my friend Edward, and you are coming …

Andrea: Wait, you know Eddie?

Lily: Oh yessss. (sniffs) What do you have in your bag?

Andrea: Oh this? It’s just, like, a steak and some hot cross …

Lily jumps up and runs for the door.

Andrea: …buns. (calls after Lily as she gets off the bus) Tell Eddie I love him!

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 7th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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186. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, March 5th, 6:00pm
Hillary (and Drommen)

 

Hillary sits at the window. Drommen takes the seat beside her.

Hillary: Hey.

Drommen: Hi there. Sorry I couldn’t make it the other night. My sister needed me.

Hillary: That’s okay.

Drommen: Are you busy tonight?

Hillary: (sits up straight) No.

Drommen: Still got that weed?

Hillary: (smiles) Yeah.

Drommen: I’d invite you back to my place, but we’d be alone. I’ll understand if you’re not comfortable with that.

Hillary: No! No that’s fine. Sooo … what does it do to you anyway? (bats eyelashes) You said you’d tell me when I’m nineteen …

Drommen: (grins) I could show you right now if you’d like.

A man steps up and taps Drommen on the shoulder.

Man: That’s enough, Sir. I’m going to have to ask you to come with us.

Drommen: … but I was just going to …

Man: Ma’am, is this the man you were telling us about?

Hillary: No! It’s another guy!

Man: You don’t have to be afraid to tell me. If this is him …

Hillary: It’s not! It’s another guy who kinda looks like him. The other guy has a mole!

Drommen: Look, if I could just show you what I was …

Man: There’s no need for that, Sir. If you’d just come peaceably.

Hillary: No! Don’t take him! He’s not the one!

Man: You’re not the only one to identify him. I’m sorry.

Hillary: Jake–

Drommen: It’s okay. You have other things to worry about. I’ll see you later.

The undercover cop leads Drommen to the door.

Hillary: (calling to Drommen) I’ll be waiting for you, Jake!

 

Next stop: Tuesday, March 6th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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185. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, March 4th, 1:00pm
Oliver (and Zoey)

 

Oliver sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.

Oliver: Forty-three, forty-four, forty-five.

The bus stops at a traffic light and Oliver stops counting.

Oliver: (to Zoey) I’m counting street lights.

Zoey: Oh.

Oliver: (as the bus starts again) Forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two.

The bus stops to pick up a passenger and Oliver stops counting.

Zoey: Why are you counting street lights?

Oliver: Because I have to go back the other way when it’s dark, and I need to know when to get off.

Zoey: What if one of the street lights is out?

Oliver stares at her.

Zoey: You might not see it.

The bus starts up again.

Oliver: (panicked) Where was I? Quick!

Zoey: You counted fifty-two.

Oliver: Fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty-five …

 

Next stop: Monday, March 5th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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184. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, March 3rd, 6:00pm
Hillary (and Sean)

 

Hillary sits at the window. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Sean: So how’d it go with your lover boy the other night?

Hillary: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Sean: He said no, didn’t he.

Hillary: I still don’t know what you’re talking about.

Sean: Did he show you his “thing”? (chuckles)

Hillary turns to the window, ignoring him.

Sean: I hear he likes showing it off.

Hillary continues to ignore him.

Sean: What’s his stupid name again?

Hillary: (snapping at him) It’s Jake, and it’s none of your business!

Sean: He said no. I knew it!

Hillary: Go fuck yourself.

Sean: I think you’re the one who needs the fu…

Hillary: FUCK OFF!

Sean: Oooh, touchy! All right. Fine. I’ll back off. (looks to the front of the bus) Hey, look who’s getting on!

Hillary: (sits up straight and sees a mother and daughter: strangers, boarding the bus) Fuck off. (she pushes him out of the seat as he doubles up laughing) Asshole.

Sean walks to the back of the bus chortling.

Hillary: Asshole!

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 4th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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183. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Friday, March 2nd, 7:00pm
Ethyl (and Jade)

 

Ethyl sits at the window. Jade takes the seat beside her.

Ethyl: (under her breath) Pfft.

Jade turns and smiles tentatively.

Ethyl: (under her breath) Slut.

Jade: I beg your pardon?

Ethyl: (under her breath) Tart.

Jade: If you’ve got something to say, say it.

Ethyl: You look like a whore.

Jade: How … dare you!

Ethyl: You’re off to get paid for a man’s pleasure, aren’t you? Look at the way you’re dressed.

Jade: It’s a skirt and blouse! I’m going to visit my mom.

Ethyl: Liar!

Jade: (stands) Lady, you need to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Ethyl: (smiles sweetly) Just kidding.

Jade: (sits and crosses her arms) Hmph.

Ethyl: (under her breath) Cocksucker.

 

Next stop: Saturday, March 3rd, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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182. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, March 1st, 4:00pm 6:00pm
Maurice and Stuart

 

Maurice sits at the window. Stuart takes the seat beside him.

Maurice: Hey there, buddy. You know, this being late thing is going to get you in trouble.

Stuart: Yeah, I know. But I’ve got a good excuse this time.

Maurice: Oh yeah?

Stuart: Yep. The apartment got flooded.

Maurice: Oh no. Did you lose a lot of stuff?

Stuart: Not only that, the old lady I live with almost drowned, trying to save the dog.

Maurice: Can’t the dog swim?

Stuart: Yeah, but the dog was trying to save the cat.

Maurice: That was decent of him.

Stuart: You’d think so. But it was the damned cat’s fault that the flood happened in the first place. It somehow managed to get under the sink and it chewed right through one of those flexible pipes.

Maurice: Oh man. So how is everyone now?

Stuart: Old lady’s at the hospital, dog’s at the vet, and the cat … (Stuart opens is jacket and a bald head pokes out)

Maurice: Oh my God, that thing is ugly! You can’t take that to work.

Stuart: I’m not. I’m taking it to the pound.

Maurice: Probably for the best.

 

Next stop: Friday, March 2nd, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.