Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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One-Liner Wednesday – Chilly Day for a Swim

Geese are crazy

Chilly day for a swim, so why not walk on the water? (Hint: take a closer look at the photo. One goose appears to be standing on the water.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


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207. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Adult theme

Monday, March 26th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Penelope)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Penelope takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: (smiling) Hi.

Penelope: (smiles back) Hi there.

Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?

Penelope: Sure! (starts to take off her coat) I’ll help you.

Drommen: That’s okay. I don’t need help.

Penelope: (rolls up her sleeves) No! I want to!

Drommen: No, really …

Penelope: Nonsense. (breathes on her hands and rubs them together) Just let me warm up my hands.

Drommen: You know what? Never mind.

Penelope: Okay. (extends her hands toward his crotch) I’m ready.

Drommen: Seriously. I’m not interested.

Penelope: (sighs and rolls her eyes) Come on. I know you want to.

Drommen: I …

Penelope: (smiles encouragingly) Come on!

Drommen: No.

Penelope: You won’t be sorry …

Drommen: (looks up) Oh look! It’s my stop! (stands and steps past her) Nice to meet you.

Penelope: (calls to him as he walks to the door) Next time for sure! I’ll be watching for you!

 

Next stop: Tuesday, March 27th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Lego

Have you seen how many shapes Lego comes in these days? When I was a young whippersnapper … I just love it when my stream of consciousness goes into character. I’d have been an actress if I could actually act. Where was I? Oh yeah. When I was a kid, Lego came in about a dozen different shapes and sizes, and I had to figure out what to do with it myself. Which was usually a boring old tower. None of these strange shapes with complex patterns existed.

But you know what? It has become a brilliant teaching tool. A kid who can follow the instructions on a Lego set will have no problems building his or her Ikea furniture! Or wouldn’t if the instructions were as easy to follow as a Lego set. But hey, it’s a start! Following instructions is a skill. And one that you have to be in the mindset to do. When I say this, I think back to so many people (mostly men: sorry, men) who refused to follow directions or even GET them whilst driving somewhere. You know the type. You may even BE the type. If you are, don’t deny it.

Lego though. Lego teaches that if you follow the instructions carefully, you’ll be successful. Is it some kind of mind control thing, teaching our kids that they’d better follow the rules or else? (Hey, good conspiracy theory, eh?) That would be an interesting theory if it weren’t for the The Lego Movie, in which they encouraged kids to do whatever they wanted with their Lego sets. (Didn’t they? I didn’t see it, but that’s what I heard.) Which, let’s face it, is that much more difficult when you’ve got crazy shapes to deal with.

In the end it’s all about imagination though. And the power of creating. Whether you’re creating a sweater from a pattern, an embroidered picture, or a toy; a blog post, a colouring project, a painting, a poem, a novel … it’s all about the escapism that comes from concentration and the satisfaction of being able to sit back and say “I created something where before there was nothing.” It’s liberating. It’s self-affirming. And I believe it’s what gets us through life with a degree of the sense of accomplishment. It gives us hope.

Lego gives us hope!

Thank you, Lego.

This (unintentionally) inspirational post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other participating blogs in the comment section, and join in yourself. Be inspired! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-24-18/


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One-Liner Wednesday – The F-Word

Last week, sitting in a restaurant beside a mother with two daughters, aged about five and eight years old, I overheard:

Five-year-old: I said the f-word by accident yesterday.

Eight-year-old: Which one?

Five: You know, the f–word.

Eight: (whispers) Frozen?

Five: No, the one Mommy always says.

It was all I could do; 1, not to laugh (because we all know Frozen is a bad word); and 2, not to look at the mother and embarrass her.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

 


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201. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, March 20th, 10:00am
Simon (and Zoey)

 

Simon sits at the window. Zoey takes the seat beside him.

Simon: Hi.

Zoey: Hi.

Simon: I’m hungry.

Zoey: (smiles) How hungry are you?

Simon: I’m so hungry I could eat a human foot.

Zoey: I’m sorry I asked.

Simon: Hey, those are nice boots you’re wearing.

Zoey changes seats.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 21st, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – So Not Green

Total fail for me on getting to my own prompt on time today. But I did get some work done on my novel. What seemed like a mountain of editing is going pretty smoothly after all. At least it started to when I got away from the Internet.

I had to drop my son Chris off at the theatre to watch a movie, so instead of coming home, or even sitting in a restaurant while I waited, I sat in the car. Backed up to the humongous pile of dirty snow just off to the side of the parking lot, I got into the back seat with my laptop and worked pretty much non-stop for an hour and a half.

When I came home, I had to walk down to visit my mum at the home. She was out of cigarettes. She’s finally accepted that she can’t have them in her room anymore, and doesn’t question having to go find one of the nurses to give her her nicotine fix. So there’s that. Anyway, I ended up spending an hour there. Then back home to have supper and play a rousing game of Monopoly. I cleaned up! And then I had to clean up.

So though it’s St. Patrick’s Day today (Happy St. Patrick’s Day … yesterday!), the only thing green about mine was the broccoli I had with my steak and potatoes tonight. But that’s okay. I love broccoli.

This not-very-green post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click on the link to read all the other posts. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-17-18/


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198. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, March 17th, 10:00am
Drommen (and Patrick)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Patrick takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hi.

Patrick: How are ye?

Drommen: Not bad. What’s up with you?

Patrick: Oh, just a little under the weather.

Drommen: But … the face paint. What’s that all about?

Patrick: Why, I’m a leprechaun don’ ye know.

Drommen: Leprechauns are actually green?

Patrick: (stares) Don’ be sayin I’ve done it wrong.

Drommen: I think you’re only supposed to be wearing green.

Patrick: Oh for feck’s sake. I said it to me mam just o the mornin. Don’ be puttin the face paint on me but the aul cow…

Drommen: I’m sure it’ll wash off.

Patrick: No, I don think so.

Drommen: What makes you say that?

Patrick: Well ye see, me mam has this stuff. An she says its simple enough to make, but it’s a bugger to get off. I’ll just have to go back home and tell her.

Drommen: Tell her what?

Patrick: Why, it might no be difficult to make the stuff, but it’s no easy bein green.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 18th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Report

Day Two of March Break has come to a successful conclusion: we are all still alive.

In other news, is it spring yet?

Asking for a friend.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 


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194. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, March 13th, 4:00pm
Simon (and Darlene)

 

Simon sits at the window. Darlene takes the seat beside him.

Simon: (turns slowly to look at Darlene) Excuse me.

Darlene: Yes?

Simon: If you lived among cannibals, would you ever brag that you have good taste?

Darlene: (thinks for a moment) No, I wouldn’t.

Simon: Neither would I.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, March 14th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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#SoCS – Sofa, so good

Well, I was going to get loads of work done today. Work on my own novel, on the short story I’m writing to submit to the upcoming anthology by Transmundane Press, work on my editing website, and on the introduction I need to write for the St. Patrick’s Day anthology I edited. And what have I done so far? Your guess is as good as mine, but it wasn’t any of the above.

Thing is, I have been working all day. I must have, because I didn’t play a single computer game. I did do a final proofreading run-through on the St. Patty’s anthology. And my butt is square from sitting on the sofa all day, so I must have been on the laptop.

I do keep getting up to grab myself something from the fridge in hopes that when I get back, I’ll get something done. But it’s like there’s so much to do I’m not sure where to start, so I end up doing things like chatting on Facebook (I have to–it’s anthology work), or scrolling through the, like, 50 tabs I have open to see what’s new. Social media is my downfall. I admit it.

What else have I done today? I avoided wine. That’s gotta count for something, especially since Alex is on a rare weekend at his dad’s. I know, I say I “avoided” wine like it’s flying through the air, aiming at me. It’s not true. It’s actually tucked into a wine rack in the basement. All two dozen bottles … Mmm, wine.

BUT, I can still get some work done tonight, can’t I? It’s only … 11:06pm. Oh damn, the clocks go forward. It may as well be after midnight. Where does the time go?!? Alex will be home before I know it, and I won’t have any work done!! May as well give up and drink wine.

Oh look! There’s a bottle now! Better catch it.

This crazy post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find the prompt post here and read all the contributing blogs! https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-10-18/