Note: Adult theme.
Saturday, November 4th, 4:00pm
Drommen (and Lena)
Drommen sits at the window. Lena takes the seat beside him.
Drommen: Hi.
Lena: Hi.
Drommen: Nice day today.
Lena: It’s a bit chilly.
Drommen: Do you mind if I masturbate?
Lena: Not at all.
Drommen smiles, opening his fly.
Lena: Do you mind if I knit?
Drommen: Not at all!
Lena smiles and pulls out a large pair of shears.
Drommen: (grimaces, doing up his fly) Maybe another day.
Next stop: Sunday, November 5th, 10:00am
Friday, November 3rd, 2:00pm
Sammy and Leroy (and Zoey)
Sammy sits at the window. Leroy is in the aisle seat.
Sammy: I bet you can’t go five minutes without saying something.
Leroy: Of course I can.
Sammy: Okay, try it.
Leroy: When do you want me to start?
Sammy: Now.
…
Leroy: I can do this, you know.
Sammy: That was a whole 30 seconds.
Leroy: I wasn’t ready.
Sammy: You’ll never be ready.
Zoey approaches.
Zoey: (to Sammy, pointing at the aisle seat) Do you mind if I sit here?
Sammy: My friend is sitting here.
Zoey: (frowns) That’s a ventriloquist’s dummy.
Leroy: Hey! Who are you calling a dummy?
Zoey: (to Leroy) You! (shakes head and looks at Sammy) Would you mind moving your doll so I can sit?
Sammy: Leroy’s not a doll. He can’t even shut up for five minutes!
Zoey: You mean you can’t shut up for five minutes.
Leroy: Of all the nerve! You can’t talk to him like that!
Zoey: I’m not talking to you, I’m … (mumbles) Oh never mind. (moves to the back of the bus)
Leroy: (to Sammy) Do you believe that? Some people!
Next stop: Saturday, November 4th, 4:00pm
Thursday, November 2nd, 3:00pm
Jordan and Brandon
Brandon: How’d your date with Marissa go Tuesday night?
Jordan: We did the whole dress-up thing and walked around the block with her little sister.
Brandon: And? Was it fun?
Jordan: Other than the fact I had to walk around on crutches?
Brandon: Kinda gets in the way of holding hands, I guess.
Jordan: Uh … yeah.
Brandon: What’d you dress up as?
Jordan: An injured basketball player, what else? Went well with the cast.
Brandon: And Marissa?
Jordan: (smiles) A nurse.
Next stop: Friday, November 3rd, 2:00pm
Note: Strong language
Wednesday, November 1st, 7:00pm
Andrea and Lacey
Andrea: So you’ll never guess what I heard at work.
Lacey: What?
Andrea: Christmas music. One fucking day after Hallowe’en. Can you believe it?
Lacey: No way!
Andrea: I wouldn’t have even noticed it if this guy hadn’t been whistling to it when he came in.
Lacey: Like he …
Andrea: … liked it or something. Exactly! I mean, who likes Christmas music the day after Hallowe’en? Like, we haven’t even got all the decorations down. But at least the guy was hot.
Lacey: Pfft. Too bad.
Andrea: What do you mean “too bad”? (shrugs) I flirted with him a bit.
Lacey: No!
Andrea: Yep. And I asked him out. We’re getting together next week.
Lacey: Seriously? What are you gonna do if …
Andrea: If he starts whistling Christmas music again? What do you think? Dump his ass!
Next stop: Thursday, November 2nd, 3:00pm
Tuesday, October 31st, 10:00pm
Mortimer (and Hillary)
Mortimer sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.
Mortimer: I used to drive this bus.
Hillary: I beg your pardon?
Mortimer: I was a bus driver. This used to be my bus.
Hillary: That’s nice.
Mortimer: Yes, back in nineteen-seventy-three.
Hillary: I didn’t think the bus was that old.
Mortimer: (smiles) She looks good for her age, doesn’t she?
Hillary: I guess.
Mortimer: A girl died on this bus. Right in the seat across the aisle, as a matter of fact.
Hillary: Huh.
Mortimer: Her boyfriend stabbed her seventeen times.
Hillary: That’s awful. Were you driving the bus that day?
Mortimer: I was. It was a horrible thing indeed. In fact it was Hallowe’en night. Forty-four years ago today.
Hillary: (stares over at the second seat on the left) Creepy. You must have nightmares. (turns back to look at him) I …
Mortimer is gone.
Next stop: Wednesday, November 1st, 7:00pm
Monday, October 30th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Edward)
Drommen sits by the window. He gestures to Edward to sit beside him.
Edward: What do you want?
Drommen: Hey, Sparkles. I have something that you don’t have.
Edward: You’ve got nothing I want!
Drommen: I bet I do.
Edward: You can’t possibly. I have everything I need. Tomorrow night is my night! I will roam the neighbourhoods with my own kind, take from virgins …
Drommen: You’re going to steal candy from little kids?
Edward hisses through plastic fangs.
Drommen: Okay, I get it. But I’ve still got something you don’t have.
Edward: (snorts) I don’t think so.
Drommen reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lunch bag with a pair of panties in it.
Edward: Whose are they?
Drommen: Bella’s. She gave them to me.
Edward: (eyes wide with shock) She did not!!
Drommen: She did. Here (he opens the bag a little) smell them.
Edward sticks in his nose, takes a big whiff, and sneezes, causing his teeth to shoot down the aisle.
Edward: PEPPER!
Drommen: (laughing) Who’s the darkness now?
Edward: CURSE YOU!! (stands) I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, SWINE!!
Edward retrieves his teeth and gets off the bus.
Next stop: Tuesday, October 31st, 10:00pm
Sunday, October 29th, 2:00pm
Madigan and Ken
Madigan: (looking down at a picture on her lap) I don’t believe it.
Ken: There’s your proof.
Madigan: Barb has been having an affair with your brother all this time?
Ken: She’s your sister.
Madigan: (snorts) She’s your wife. I feel like I’m living in a soap opera. Where are they now?
Ken: On a beach in Barbados, according to the private detective. (points at the photo) I recognize the resort. We went there for our honeymoon.
Madigan: (shakes head and looks up at him) So what are you going to do about it?
Ken: Ask her for a divorce. And marry you, if you’ll have me.
Madigan: What about the lipstick on your collar?
Ken: That was just Barb trying to make you jealous. She already knew about our affair.
Madigan: (sighs) I should have guessed. (looks at him sharply) Wait, was that a proposal?
Ken: I don’t have a ring or anything, but … yeah.
Madigan: (blinks away tears) I want to say yes. But what are family gatherings going to be like?
Ken: (huffs out a laugh) About as awkward as they have been since we started seeing each other behind Barb’s back. God knows how long she’s been screwing my brother.
Madigan: (takes his hand) I wonder if they’re as happy as we are when we’re together.
Ken: I hope not. So, what do you say? Will you consider marrying me?
Madigan: (frowns) My dad’s going to get sick of walking us down the aisle to meet you.
Ken waits silently, gazing into her eyes.
Madigan: Let me think about it.
Next stop: Monday, October 30th, 6:00pm
Saturday, October 28th, 8:00pm
Sally (and Passenger One and Passenger Two)
Sally sits at the window. Passengers One and Two take the seats in front of her.
Passenger One: (to Passenger Two) Which brings me to my next question: what are you going for Halloween as this year?
Passenger Two: I told you, I’m going as a sandwich. But I’d like to return to your first question …
Passenger One: What kind?
Passenger Two: What kind of what?
Passenger One: What kind of sandwich are you going as?
Passenger Two: (frowns) It doesn’t matter what kind of sandwich I’m going to go as, I want you to clarify what you meant by your first question.
Passenger One: I wouldn’t go as a peanut butter sandwich if I were you. You’ll have all the dogs in the neighbourhood chasing you.
Passenger Two: (turns and looks Passenger One directly in the eye) Your first question? What did you mean? Don’t make me … (closes eyes and exhales heavily) Okay. I’m not going to get angry …
Passenger One: Baloney.
Passenger Two: (yelling) I’m not! I’m not going to get angry!
Passenger One: Calm down. I meant you can go as a baloney sandwich.
Passenger Two: (still yelling) I’ll sandwich you in a minute!
Sally: (leans forward) If I may …
Passenger Two: (turns to her and yells) What do you want, witch?
Sally: (aghast) I was just going to suggest your friend answer your question. But if you don’t want my help …
Passenger Two: (calmly) Well, thank you. (turns to Passenger One) You see? Even strangers want to know what you meant by your first question.
Sally: Actually, I just want to know what the first question was.
Passenger Two: (to Sally, yelling again) Mind your own business, witch!
Passenger One: (to Passenger Two) Are you quite finished yet?
Passenger Two: (voice raised, anxious) It depends: what do you mean?
Sally: Ahhh …
Passenger Two: (turns) What are you “ahhh”ing about?
Sally: I assume that was the first question you’re referring to.
Passenger One: (turns to Sally) Yes, I’m thinking a Marmite sandwich might be best, too.
Sally: He’s definitely salty enough.
Next stop: Sunday, October 29th, 2:00pm
This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to see how you, too, can join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2017/10/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-2817/
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Friday, October 27th, 5:00pm
Moe and Curly
Moe: And that’s when you fell off the ladder?
Curly: Right.
Moe: I told you you need to leeean the ladder at a better angle.
Curly: (shakes head) I know.
Moe: You need more of an inclination.
Curly: I know.
Moe: That’s what you get for having less than a degree.
Curly slaps Moe upside the head.
Next stop: Saturday, October 28th, 8:00pm
Thursday, October 26th, 5:00pm
Drommen (and Holly)
Drommen sits at the window. Holly takes the seat beside him.
Drommen: Hi.
Holly: Hi.
Drommen: Do you mind if I … Are you crying?
Holly: (wipes her cheek) No.
Drommen: What’s wrong?
Holly: Oh God, my life’s such a mess. First I get pregnant with this guy who disappears, and now my husband’s disappeared and I’m going to get thrown out of my place.
Drommen: That’s terrible.
Holly: And on top of all that, I’ve got this other guy hanging around my house with these fake … (points at her mouth) teeth … things … and I’m pretty sure he was the one who made my husband disappear.
Drommen: Did you call the cops?
Holly: No, because I asked him to get rid of the other guy … my boyfriend … Wait, are you a cop?
Drommen: (snickers) No.
Holly: (sighs in relief) Thank God.
Drommen: So, let me get this straight. You asked the guy with the plastic fangs to get rid of your boyfriend, but he screwed up and now your husband is missing instead?
Holly: Right.
Drommen stares out the window.
Holly: I don’t know why I told you all this. I guess it’s easier to talk to a stranger.
Drommen: (turns back to her) No, it’s fine. I understand. I look to strangers for help all the time. Listen, I think I might be able to help you. (reaches into his pocket) Take this.
Holly: (looks down at a wad of twenty dollar bills he handed her) I can’t …
Drommen: Yes you can. It’s for your rent. And next time I see that little prick with the teeth …
Holly: What are you going to do?
Drommen: It’s probably best I don’t say. (reaches into his pocket again) Wait, can I see that wad again?
Holly holds the stack of money out to him.
Drommen: (replaces the topmost $20 with another) Wrong one.
Holly: What … why?
Drommen: (holds up bill gingerly) This one’s a little gooey.
Next stop: Friday, October 27th, 5:00pm
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