My books are featured on Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore today! Please check have a look – there are some great books there alongside mine. 😀 And don’t forget, until the end of October, all the proceeds from my books are going to hurricane relief, so if you haven’t picked them up yet, do so now and help me help those in need. ❤
Monthly Archives: October 2017
42. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Thursday, October 12th, 2:00pm
Hank and Bill
Hank: You know, Bob …
Bill: It’s Bill.
Hank: You know, Bill, there’s only just so much a man can take in this world. Now I know, ye gets your ups, and ye gets your downs, but ye can’t just let people walk all over you. Take Morty for example.
Bill: You mean Mike?
Hank: Morty, Mike, whatever. He just lost a whole lotta dough, and because what?
Hank looks at Bill. Bill opens his mouth to answer.
Hank: That’s right. Because the Man’s bringin’ him down. And you know who the Man is, right Bob?
Bill: The corporations?
Hank: (slaps Bill’s knee) You got ‘er, Bob! Those damned corporations. What we’ve gotta do, Bob, is break free! Break free, I tell ye. Go out on our own and make the millions o’ dollars that we’re entitled to.
Bill: So … what’s that got to do with me?
Hank: (regards him with pity in his eyes) You still don’t know, do ye Bob.
Bill shakes his head.
Hank: You’re gonna thank me, Bob. ‘Coz when I tell you what I’ve come to figure out over years of hard work and dedication … Let’s just say the Lord is shinin’ a light down on you today. (looks up) Oh! Here’s my stop. (pats Bill on the shoulder) Next time maybe. See ye later, Bob.
Hank gets off the bus.
Next stop: Friday, October 13th, 9:00pm
41. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Wednesday, October 11th, 4:00pm
Michael (and Agatha)
Michael sits at the window, reading. Agatha takes the seat beside him.
Agatha: Hello.
Michael glances away from his iPad and smiles.
Agatha: I’m going to my granddaughter’s house for dinner. (gestures to a dish on her lap) I’m bringing the bread pudding.
Michael: (mumbles without looking up) That’s nice.
Agatha: My great-granddaughter Kitty will be there. Such a precious thing she is, though the clothes she wears! I don’t know what children are thinking these days. What’s that thing you’re holding?
Michael: This? It’s an iPad.
Agatha: (sighs) All these newfangled gadgets. Why, in my day we used to read things like newspapers and books. We wore things that covered us up and we baked our own bread pudding!
Michael shrugs and stares at his iPad.
Agatha: (after a few minutes) I’m going to my granddaughter’s house for dinner.
Michael: (rolls eyes) And I bet you’re taking bread pudding.
Agatha: How did you know?
Michael: Lucky guess.
Next stop: Thursday, October 12th, 2:00pm
One-Liner Wednesday – A Twofer!
Here’s a twofer: my table at my book signing on Sunday and a selfie, all in one!
I didn’t realize I was taking a selfie …
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As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!
5. Have fun!
#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion
40. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Note: Strong language, adult theme
Tuesday, October 10th, 3:00pm
Madigan and Barb
Barb: I caught him.
Madigan: Caught who doing what?
Barb: Ken. He’s definitely fooling around on me.
Madigan: (stares at her) What … makes you say that?
Barb: Lipstick. On his collar.
Madigan: No way!
Barb: Yep. Blood red. Who wears a colour like that anyway?
Madigan: (frowns) Not me.
Barb: Pfft. Some floosy. She’d have to be, to fool around with a married man. A real slut. One with no self-respect. Oh God, do you think she’s got a disease?
Madigan: I hope not!
Barb: Oh Maddie, what am I going to do? You know I hate confrontations. They’re so … belittling. Would you to talk to him?
Madigan: Me?!
Barb: You’re my sister. I trust you. Will you give him shit for me? Please?
Madigan: I’d love to give him shit. But shouldn’t you be the one to talk to him? You’re his wife after all. Anyway, I might slug him one.
Barb: You’re probably right. (sighs) Sometimes I envy you. Having none of this crap to worry about. Nobody fools around on you – you don’t have anybody.
Madigan: (snorts, turns to the window and mumbles) Not anymore.
Next stop: Wednesday, October 11th, 4:00pm
39. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Monday, October 9th, 5:00pm
Quinn and Yvonne
Yvonne: I hope you don’t think I’m going to talk to you tonight.
Quinn: I don’t expect …
Yvonne: Of course not. That’s why we’re going to a restaurant instead of staying home for Thanksgiving dinner.
Quinn: But you …
Yvonne: I know. I know I burned the turkey last year. You don’t have to rub it in. I was willing to try again but nooo, we have to go to a restaurant because you don’t trust me! Admit it!
Quinn: I …
Yvonne: Don’t talk to me. I’m not talking to you.
Quinn looks out the window.
Yvonne: Don’t pout.
Quinn: I’m not …
Yvonne: Yes you are. I can tell by the way you’re looking out the window.
Quinn: What the …
Yvonne: (holds up palm) Don’t talk to me. And don’t pout. Let’s just get there and get this over with.
Quinn: (looks up to the front of the bus) It’s …
Yvonne: What part of “don’t talk to me” didn’t you understand?
Quinn: But …
Yvonne: Ugh! I’ve had enough of this. I’m walking the rest of the way. (gets up)
Quinn: (calls to her as she’s walking down the aisle) You’ll have to anyway! We just passed the stop!
Next stop: Tuesday, October 10th, 3:00pm
38. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Sunday, October 8th, 2:00pm
Drommen (and Bev, Darla and Vicki)
Drommen sits at the window. Bev takes the seat beside him, and Darla and Vicki sit down behind them.
Drommen: (smiling at Bev) Hello.
Bev smiles and nods.
Drommen: Mind if I masturbate?
Bev: Pardon?
Darla: (leans forward and says loudly) I think he said “Jersey is the Garden State.”
Vicki: (leans forward and says loudly) I thought he said “Rogers gives a rebate.”
Bev: (loudly) Really? A rebate on what? (turns to talk to Darla and Vicki) I was just saying to Sue the other day, I need a new iPhone …
Drommen slouches in his seat, arms crossed, and looks out the window.
Next stop: Monday, October 9th, 5:00pm
6 Things I Learned from my First Book Signing
As you might be aware, I had my first ever book signing event last weekend in Kingston, Ontario–the city where The Magician’s Curse takes place. The lady in the shop where I bought my rose asked me if I was nervous. I said without hesitation that I wasn’t. And I really wasn’t–I’ve worked in retail many times throughout my life, and selling my own book didn’t seem that different. Besides that, I feel at home in a book store. I lurve them.
But like most things, the first time we do something is usually a learning experience. Right? Here are the things I learned:
- Smile at people and don’t be afraid to take the initiative to speak to them first. Otherwise, chances are they’ll just pass you by.
- Chocolate Kisses™ may seem like a good idea to have on the same table as a romance novel, but make sure to stress the “chocolate” part when offering one to a man who’s standing beside his wife.
- Bring something to take the lint off of a black top hat.
- Do what you can to advertise ahead of time. This is particularly difficult when you’re signing books in a store that’s a long way away from where you live: be inventive.
- Don’t do a book signing when there’s another major event in town that features a bunch of authors whose names are more popular than yours. (I’m looking at you, Kathy Reichs.)
- If you’re going to spend hours sitting beside a book written by an offspring of Stephen King, make sure it’s Joe Hill (particularly if your last name is Hill).
By the time this post goes live, I’ll be getting ready for my second ever book signing event. If you’re in the area of Belleville, Ontario today (October 8th, 2017), please stop by Chapters between noon and 3pm. And get a Kiss. A chocolate one.
37. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Saturday, October 7th, 9:00pm
Holly (and Edward)
Holly sits at the window, staring out. Edward takes the seat beside her.
Edward: Hi.
Holly starts crying.
Edward: Are you okay?
Holly: (sobbing) My boyfriend left me!
Edward: That bastard!
Holly: I know! And I’m pregnant! And my husband is going to kill me!
Edward: (raises an eyebrow dramatically) Your husband?
Holly: Yes! What am I going to do? My husband is going to know it’s not his!
Edward: I can take him out.
Holly: (wipes her eyes and takes her first good look at him) What do you mean, “take him out”? Who the hell are you?
Edward: I’m Edward. I mean take care of him. You know … (hisses, showing his plastic fangs)
Holly frowns and stares at him silently.
Edward: Is your husband home now?
Holly: (stares for a moment longer, considering) Actually there’s this guy named Joel…
Next stop: Sunday, October 8th, 2:00pm
#SoCS – Super Saver
Safe to say I’m a collector, but not in the way you might think. I don’t keep things in orderly gatherings–in precious little spaces of their own–I just save everything. Because you never know when you’re gonna need it. Amiright? Piece of string? Sure, I’ll find a use for that. Bubble wrap? Why not? I send stuff to people all the time! (I don’t, but that doesn’t matter – I think I do. And anyway, bubble wrap is good for all kinds of boredom when you’ve got nothing to do with your hands things.) Unfortunately there comes that time when I end up throwing all that useful stuff out. Because I hate stepping over things, so if it’s in the way and I can’t find a spot for it, then sorry–you’re outta here.
But then there’s the computer. Ah, the computer. A lovely place where I can save, and save, and save, and I don’t have to trip over anything. It’s space that doesn’t seem as though it’s filling with clutter even as it does. It’s storage that never fills up … until all of a sudden I find out I have no more room left so I have to go out and buy teeny tiny devices with more space. They’re like Mary Poppins’s carpet bag. I buy them, and buy them, until I realize I’m collecting them. But do I keep track of where I put them and what’s on each of them? Of course not! But I’ve got them, just in case … never know when I’m gonna need the stuff packed into them, amiright?
I wish I could downsize my life. I wish I didn’t have that compulsion to keep everything. I envy people who can just throw stuff out. Maybe I should gather up all the bubble wrap I have in my house that I didn’t pop when I was bored and wrap all the little things up that I thought I might need. Put them into all the boxes I’ve kept that I knew I’d one day have use for, and stash it all away until I’ve forgotten what’s in it all. Once I have enough of them stacked to the point of overflowing and I start having to step over them, I can resist the temptation to open them just toss ’em out. Now that, for my sanity, would be a great save!
Badge by J-Dub @ https://jilywily.wordpress.com/
I’m blaming my last sentence on the lovely Joey, who was kind enough to provide us with a prompt with bonus points this week for Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Thanks so much, Joey! Click the following link to see how you, too, can join in! https://lindaghill.com/2017/10/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-717/
lindaghill.com 